You are somebody’s “10”

In desperate moments, we just want somebody to have dinner with…but in our heart of hearts, we want to be cherished. We want to be completely known and loved by somebody who thinks we’re perfect.

For years I’m sure there were people who thought I was way too picky or idealistic. Some of them gave words to their exasperation, “What do you think you’re going to do with Mr. Perfect when you find him? Isn’t he going to want somebody perfect?”

I wasn’t looking for anybody else’s idea of perfection, though. The 35-year-old on the cover of “Fortune” will likely go for somebody younger…OK, maybe taller and richer, too. But, hey, 35 isn’t perfect for me. And maybe it isn’t perfect for you, either. There is somebody out there who is perfect for you, though, and you can trust that you are perfect for him (or her), as well.

When Ann Weber, professor of psychology at the University of N.C. at Chapel Hill, first told me, “A five is going to be most happy with a five,” I cringed. I am idealistic enough that assigning a number — a five (out of 10) — to humans in search of love seemed cold. But she was right! And the truth is always beautiful; it always serves us. The “five” is nothing more than a number that quantifies what society tends to value. And the real truth is that money and looks without love can be downright ugly.

That said, you want to be with somebody who understands you and appreciates where you’re coming from, somebody you can also understand and appreciate. That means being with somebody you can relate to, somebody you can grow with.

You are not looking for a teacher or a student. You are looking for both; you are looking for a partner. You don’t want to be held back OR stifled. And you don’t want to be trivialized!

You want to be cherished. You want somebody to see and beckon the best in you. And you want to reciprocate.
Being picky — or discriminating — means knowing and recognizing who you are, and it means looking for somebody else who does. Please don’t read that as, “Come on…you’re a five, stop looking for a 10.”

I want you to see the 10 in you. I want you to find somebody else who does. The 10 is there — whether it has surfaced or not. See what it is that you want most to share with a partner and the world. And you will find a partner who will help you share it.

Don’t take my word for it. If there is something you have always wanted to do — something you always knew you could do, despite how unreasonable it seemed — go for it. See yourself doing it. It doesn’t matter so much what you do, or even how well you do it. What matters is that you see your potential, and that you don’t define yourself based on your present situation.
When you can see and feel your possibility, you will begin to manifest it. And you will attract somebody based on both your potential and where you are in relationship to it. You will attract somebody you can skyrocket with.

And, hey, if all you do is cherish each other, that’ll work, whatever it looks like.