If sex is missing, so is something else …

If you love your partner and want to have sex more often, chances are you feel like something is missing in your relationship.

Part of the solution is finding time for sex. You read the headlines while you put cream in your coffee. You manage to get dinner delivered by pushing two buttons on your phone. And you’ve found a drive-through wash and wax en route from the office. But, you haven’t figured out how to fit sex into your routine.

Maybe you don’t want sex to be routine!

It’s not just a lack of time or planning; it’s a lack of motivation. You up the ante, and the motivation, when you realize that sex is a chance to identify and add what’s missing in your relationship. Going for it is still a challenge, though … one that’s easier to meet with practice, which can require some discipline. You have to make it a priority.

It was easier when you were infatuated and devoting every waking moment to each other. When “real life” kicks in, things inevitably get in the way. One’s late, the other one’s tired, the kids ARE, life is full.

Start where you are, and use what you have. If he’s tired and you’re not, you can take it personally and feel rejected; or you can take charge. If the in-laws show up, you can be miserable; or you can take a powder for 10 minutes, and reappear happy! If the meeting is cancelled, you can rush to the office anyway; or you can linger in bed.

Sex doesn’t have to be the same every time … and if it is, you’ll find yourself having it less often!

Sex gives us permission to play rough and tenderly, to be sappy and romantic, poetic, irrational, strong and vulnerable, conciliatory, responsible, zealous and heroic, to take and to be taken. We can lay it all out there.

For too many years I knew how to let go “in love,” but not in life. Passion is a glorious gift, a tool to learn about integrating all the aspects of who you are. The next challenge is to carry what you learn into the rest of life!

If something’s missing in your relationship — or your life — let sex help you identify it and add it. “Getting a little” can go a long way.