Don’t let equality neuter you!

I heard him coming as he got ahead of me to open the door. Then, his smile turned to, “Oops, I hope you’re not one of those women who prefer to get the door themselves.”

Men are confused! They instinctively notice women and want to be strong for them. And according to some studies, men automatically view women as sexual.

I could have opened the door myself, but I like that he noticed me and opened the door. And I even like the idea that maybe he saw me as sexual. It felt natural to both of us — until he stopped to think about what was politically correct.

The mere term “politically correct” is a red flag. We don’t all want to be politicians!

And we mess with equality when we imply that one gender needs a handicap. The key is to recognize that we truly are equal; and that being equal, we can be — and want to be — different.

Men and women are different. We are all different. And sometimes society’s effort to equalize us looks more like an effort to abolish the differences than honor the differences (a vital part of who we are).

We don’t all want to run to an office every morning, and we don’t all want to tend to children day and night. And, man or woman, we don’t all want to do both! Whatever we want to do is OK…and theoretically that’s the message.

Unfortunately, sometimes the message seems to hit us like a giant scanner that detects and neutralizes our instincts, so that we no longer know what we want. Of course, it can’t really obliterate eons of evolution and partnership between men and women, but it can make us question our instincts and innate desires, and even feel guilty about them.

We may think that because we can have it “all,” we are supposed to want it all. But does somebody who has it all have time for a real relationship?

“For many of these sleep-deprived women, forced to assume the triple role of wife, mother and employee, ‘You can have it all’ has turned into a cruel joke,” says Michael Gilbert in “The Disposable Male.” “‘You have to do it all’ is the not-so-funny punch line.”

Having it all is simply being all of who we naturally are. And leaders and teachers who want to help us get back in touch with what we have unwittingly lost to politics are springing up.

Those who forged the path for equal rights were not fighting to make us all the same. The right to earn equal pay — hardly something we can argue against — is not an obligation to earn it (or an entitlement to collect it without earning it). And, hey, isn’t staying home with the kids an honest way of earning it?

We cannot wage war against our biological instincts without waging war against ourselves. We have survived because of our instincts — our favorite difference propagates the species. When we cease to trust our instincts, we cease to survive. We also get confused.

Part of our confusion is due to that giant scanner’s distortion of sex. Sex is still what makes a baby, still a means of expressing partnership…and, yes, love and pleasure. In light of that, don’t we want to be seen as sexual?

To function well in our society, perhaps we have to know what is politically correct. But to function well in life, we have to know what comes naturally to us. She may want to get her own door, and he may want to bandage his own finger. Respect that, but don’t let it change who you are.

Don’t get neutered by a political scanner.