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How well do you know your sweetheart?

Getting to know a sweetheart is an ongoing process. We can’t do it once and for all.

We don’t just wake up one day with a stranger … unless we stop taking the time to know each other.

We can remember to be present.… More

Love says the same thing in every language …

Some people talk about different love languages. And it is useful to understand what makes your sweetheart feel most loved.

But it’s invaluable to synchronize your languages. Your words, your actions, your emotions, your touch, that look in your eyes … you want them to send the same message. One reinforces the other.
Love doesn’t contradict itself. It says the same thing in every language.… More

Check yourself for Band-aids …

Another piece of exercise equipment? Ever wonder why somebody sells one at a garage sale and buys another one in January? Well, it can be easier to buy another one than use the one in the garage … or exercise without one, now there’s an idea!

But just ordering a treadmill (or joining a club) helps to Band-aid the dissonance between knowing what we want to do and actually doing it. When we catch ourselves going for a Band-aid, an excuse, justification, blaming somebody else, procrastination, a piece of equipment we don’t need, we can stop. We can actually do something, instead, to bring our values and actions together.

What do you want to do? What do you need to do to be true to yourself, to be true to love? Go for it! You’ll find what you CAN do is enough! … More

When you flirt, must you be prepared to deliver?

“She’s a cutie — if I weren’t married, she’s somebody I’d flirt with,” says my husband, Sam.

She had just asked (with a becoming smile), before taking our order, “Two Caesars and a Turkey Asiago?”

We’re predictable; but that’s not what this is about. It is about the charm and attraction of those we encounter and our inclination to flirt with them. We like to be noticed and remembered; we like to be known.

Often when we’re attracted to somebody (and have the guts to flirt with him or her, it’s because they’ve expressed some kind of acceptance or attraction to us. We don’t just go for what we want. We go for what we think we can get! That’s right: We want the best partner available — to us — so, we weigh the odds of a positive response before making a move.

And perhaps that’s why some people flirt with everybody! They’ve learned that most people find them attractive — or at least intriguing or sexy or something. If blondes really do have more fun, it’s because, based on studies, they experience a confidence boost by lightening their hair … and, yes, they’re more apt to initiate a romp.… More

Not just any mom, my mom … your mom

Not just any mom. My mom! But everybody’s mom is to be embraced, or claimed, by somebody.

As we grow older, though, it can be more challenging. The environment may play a greater role, genetics a lesser. We can find ourselves growing away from our mothers; and sometimes, it’s the mother who outgrows what she taught her children.

The surest way to maintain the sanctity of the relationship is honesty—even if that provokes temporary distance. We can trust the truth; we can trust love.

Here’s to our moms and our children … and growing our love for them, as we grow our love for ourselves.

Note: Grateful to celebrate with my mom yesterday. All she wanted was a cherry pie, my cherry pie. And she gets to eat the whole thing; I took carrot cupcakes for her to share! And she thought that was a VERY GOOD idea.… More

Does your insecurity star in your relationship?

Years ago, while I was dating a psychiatrist, he told me that I was too often disappointed with him. I was goo-gah over his brain, and he melted me — and everybody else — when he smiled. He saw through people and felt warm toward them; and they knew it. Disappointed in him? Not this girl.

Bless my insecure little 30-year-old heart, though, I acted like I was. Because I felt inferior, I tried not to act intimidated or overly impressed. I was bold in expressing my insight into his issues; he was receptive — not defensive.

When he told me that our issues were clashing, I thought it was mostly about my not feeding his ego. I thought that was a good thing. Without realizing it, though, I continued to feed my own ego and want him to feed it.

Truth is, I wanted desperately to feel good enough for him!
Now I realize that he probably saw through my defensiveness, and understood his own need for reinforcement. He still wanted somebody who was impressed by him. I was — the condo, the car, the Yale degree — but I was unable to express that freely. I was too self-conscious about what I saw as my own shortcomings to ignore what I saw as his shortcomings and underscore his long list of strengths.… More