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We cannot be overwhelmed if we stay present. We only feel inadequate when we are trying to be someplace we are not. We must start where we are. Here, now.… More

Do you make bad decisions to end uncertainty?

We’re bound to wonder why somebody else — you know, the loose cannon down the street — can’t seem to commit (or break away, as the case may be) once and for all. But we don’t have to look that far to find an emotional roller coaster. Chances are there’s somebody under your own roof you adore one minute and want to blast to the moon the next.

We lack the blasting power to overpopulate the moon, but domestic violence is a serious social problem in America, with conservative estimates citing about a million incidents a year. And, yes, sometimes all is forgiven before charges are ever filed.

Our emotions can be irrational and still override our intellects.

“Emotion is stronger than thought, preceding it both in evolution and in the wiring of our brain, so an emotion — frustration, rage, sadness, sexual desire, fatigue — can take on a reality independent of external circumstance,” says Henry S. Lodge, M.D., in “Younger Next Year for Women” (also true for men, but I read the women’s version of the book).

It’s no wonder we find ourselves reacting disproportionately when we get caught up in our emotions. While intellectually we know what makes sense — and manage to act on that at least occasionally — our emotions often kick in, particularly in affairs of the heart.… More

Learn Your Partner’s Language

“I know she loves me, but it sure doesn’t feel like it when she continues to reject 70 percent of my physical advances,” writes a reader.

“The man must love me — he’d do anything for me. But I swear he responds to less than half of what I say,” writes another.

We’re not content to simply know somebody’s love is there for us, should we be in dire need. We want to feel the love and take pleasure in it, day in and day out. That desire is fundamental to being human.

Unfortunately, many people live without the warmth and nourishment of feeling continually loved, despite the fact that they are loved. Why? One useful explanation is found in Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages.”

The premise is that you might express love in a language your partner isn’t fluent in — and vice versa. In other words, you could be thinking, “I don’t know what else I could possibly do to show the man I love him,” while he’s thinking, “All I want is more physical affection from my wife, is that asking too much?”

So, take a look at the “five languages” and see which one is yours and which one is your partner’s.… More