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Rebound with Care

“My longtime partner dumped me…after several months of on-again, off-again. And I met this incredible new man. My friends are warning me about being on the rebound. Does it really matter?”

If being on the rebound means feeling vulnerable and deprived, it matters. When we’re coming from a needy place, a new prospect can seem to meet not just our immediate need, but all of our needs.

The first problem is that when a relationship is based on need, rather than love, it’s not the relationship we’ve dreamed of. Think about it: You don’t want a partner to be with you merely because he needs somebody to listen to him or care for his kids.

The second problem is that when you desperately need, for example, somebody to show you affection because your ex had grown cold and distant, you’re apt to place inflated emphasis on the warmth of skin to skin. Yes, it’s important — but so are a whole list of other things!

It’s easy to take the things you did have (maybe a great mind and a strong work ethic) in your ex for granted…and not realize that you’re missing them in a new partner, until you’ve survived that desperate — or rebound — stage.… More

Stop … to be present and reconnect

My husband, Sam, and I have a tradition of kissing after we sit down to dinner, and before we begin eating. This is big for both of us … Sam because he likes to dive right into the food, and I because I have a thing about eating while it’s hot (guess I like to dive right in, too).

Anyway, we kiss first. And we continue kissing until we’re both present. It’s easy to get into a rut and kiss — or say I love you — without meaning it. We have to be present in order to feel the connection, rather than merely go through the motions.

Everyday busyness tempts us to think about what comes next, what has to be done before lunch or bedtime. Our egos are easily lured by meeting expectations and rehearsing the times we fell short, which can leave us living in the past and the future, rather than the present.

We can only truly live in this moment, though, and only if we’re present for it. And we can only truly live with a sweetheart by being present with them.

“If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change,” said Buddha.… More

Good morning!

Live: My sleepy face and the desk, really breakfast table, that readies me to sit down to work each morning.

Today’s my day to water plants–a lot of them–and it occurs to me that taking care of them deepens my appreciation for the life they add to our home.

Life is way cool! … More

How many stories do you know?

Loving people from a distance can seem easy. As we get close enough to disagree with them and judge them, or rub egos with them, it’s more challenging. But when we get close enough to learn their stories, to truly know them, we can’t help but love them.

It’s only difficult to know compassion when we lack context.… More

Say yes to the magic …

We can be aware of our ego, without being distracted by it. We don’t have to offer the attention it craves. We don’t have to give it a voice or appendages.