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Are you flying yet?

We grow up thinking there’s something we must do to prove our worth. Our worth and our wings were always there, though.

Turns out learning to trust them is the work of a lifetime.… More

What will you do today?

How can the challenge be too big when the reward is commensurate? Sometimes we forget.

Perspective reminds us that we can do it, that we want to do it … that, if we are to be true to our greatness, we MUST do it.… More

Forgiveness frees us to move forward, but which way is forward?

Forgiving is always the right thing to do, but it doesn’t mean betraying yourself or denying the truth.

If somebody wants a second, or third, or fourth chance, it’s okay to ask, “Why will it be different this time?” And unless they’re able to spill a heart full of evidence as to why it will be different, you can move on without feeling guilty.

Forgiveness frees us to move forward. But it doesn’t dictate that we move forward WITH the one we forgive. … More

Does it matter who’s watching?

Dear Friends,

Sitting in our little down-the-street restaurant, Sam and I looked up to see Pam setting our drinks down, just as quietly as she could. She was trying not to interrupt our kiss. We laughed…as she slipped away.

A bit later when she brought dinner, she said it was unusual (and nice) to see “older” people kiss in public. Sam immediately suggested that we could show them how. The conversation was lighthearted, but it offered a glimpse of how other people see us. Kissing is just what we do!

Pam’s even “older” than we are; and maybe she has long since quit kissing in public. What about you — younger or older? Do you find a public display of affection warm and loving OR tacky and inappropriate? Would you kiss more if nobody were watching?

Short of concerning ourselves with other people, I have to think that kissing virtually anytime is quite delightful. It’s like doing cartwheels on the beach or playing peek-a-boo with a baby. It’s letting your heart out to play, rather than fencing it in. You don’t really need anybody to show you how to do it. All you need is your own permission!

A kiss can be romantic or intimate or sexual.… More

When is it cheating?

Question from a friend:

When is one cheating in a marriage? If you had lunch with David and David wanted to kiss you, would that be all right? If you kissed David passionately, would you tell Sam?

You might know me well enough to anticipate my answer. Surely my friend does too.

I think passionately kissing David—or anybody—would be cheating. And I would tell Sam. In fact, I did tell Sam when David tried to kiss me. Was it all right? Yes, in the sense that I’m only responsible for how I respond, but I don’t think it would have been all right not to tell Sam. Open feels much more honest and loving to me.

I think a strict definition for cheating is: sharing less than all of you. I think a looser definition is: betraying a commitment. That said, commitment is an ongoing decision, whether it’s made consciously or unconsciously. And being honest about what you’re feeling today is even more important to a healthy relationship than keeping a commitment you made yesterday.

When you share less than all of you, it’s because you know, or accept, less than all of you. And that’s not just cheating your partner, that’s cheating yourself.… More

“Real Age” Is More Than a Number

She’d kill me if she knew I felt this way — I love her and would marry her, BUT she’s 10 years older than I am. I’m 36 and she’s 46. What happens when I’m 56 and she’s 66?

Age is a number. Theoretically, it’s indicative of how mature we are. But we find exceptions to that faster than we can get to the end of the sentence. But beauty fades, right? Nah — we all know people who get better looking. Skin loses its resilience? True enough, but not at the same rate.

And in much the same way, some people seem to put on the brakes and stop learning and growing at 40, while others seem to stay interested and interesting as long as they live. Some people stay physically vibrant and active into their 90s and counting; some start to “die” in their 40s.

“I don’t believe one grows older. I think that what happens early on in life is that at a certain age one stands still and stagnates,” said T. S. Eliot.

We’re learning, though. We look younger and die older. What used to be old is still young … and the older we get, the younger it is.… More