Uncategorized – Page 815

Men Have Their Own Brand of “PMS”

Men have their own brand of “PMS”

“PMS” triggers what troubles us … and so do some other things. Fatigue, hunger, a bad day or a headache can all bring out our frustrations.

Women are not alone in their frustration; they just have a monthly cycle to help them manage it … especially worth noting in the heat of today’s politics.

Women are more apt to let their activity revolve around the men in their lives. Men might hold some stuff in and tough it out, but they’re less likely to spend as much time tending to others as women do. So, during a woman’s monthly cycle she’s apt to scream out (or want to), “I’m a person, too!”

Still, there is that which triggers a man’s frustration, or the pressure he feels. And, I don’t want to overstate our differences, but … when a man is hungry, a woman tends to feed him. When a man comes home tired after a bad day, a woman tends to be there — comforting him, getting him something to drink and picking up his clothes.

No, women are not all the same, and they’re not the same from cradle to grave; and neither are men.… More

Happy Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and whatever holidays you celebrate!

I am writing to you on Halloween, a time to masquerade as somebody we’re not. And, of course, I’m reminded that we don’t reserve the mask for Halloween. (I played a rabbit on Easter.)

Tomorrow begins November, a time of Thanksgiving. And Christmas, a time of giving, follows … more quickly than ever. We will be called on to play roles. Some of them will fit us; some of them will not.

My goal, more than ever, is to play only the roles that fit.

Sam and I want to include family, his family and my family, and make sure we don’t leave ourselves behind. We want to do what we do and give what we give wholeheartedly. Sounds simple. But it’s easy to slip into an expected role for the kids, the parents, the office. And there is only so much time to bake cookies and shop for “heart-felt” gifts, which can leave us serving up the “obligatory.” The real gift, however it is expressed, is love. Unfortunately, the love is sometimes bypassed for appearance or convenience.

Perhaps if we begin now to think of what we are truly grateful for and what we truly want to give, we can make Thanksgiving and Christmas as honest and meaningful as love is.… More

You can reframe the struggle …

If there’s something you’re trying to reframe or heal, you might try this simple exercise:

Sit quietly by yourself, free of distractions. I know — solitude can be as elusive as healing; but they’re almost synonymous.

Now pick up a pen with your left hand (or your right hand if you’re left-handed) and begin to write. Write a letter to yourself or to somebody else who might be helpful in the process; and then lend them your left hand to respond. (And, yes, you can respond to yourself.)

You might just find that using your left hand allows you to tap into your unconscious or revisit a wounded child you only vaguely remember.

“My right hand is my grown-up hand — a writer’s hand, a minister’s hand — but when I wrote with the left hand, I found that what tended to come out was as artless and basic as the awkward scrawl it came out in. It was as if some of my secrets had at last found a way of communicating with me directly,” says Frederick Buechner in “Telling Secrets,” his wonderfully rich memoir.… More

Your Relationship Status Is About YOU

Do you make excuses for why you’re not in a relationship, as though it’s about somebody or something else?

It’s about you.

If you’re willing to assume responsibility for yourself, you’ll find the love you want. Think of it as taking a promotion. Responsibility is a privilege. The more you take on, the more empowered you are to effect change.

It’s easier to stay on the couch and whine about how you can’t meet somebody, but that gets you the same old same old. Not what you want.

In “Get Over Yourself!” matchmaker Patti Novak says she tells clients what their friends won’t. She’s not afraid to tell them that they talk too much, could use a haircut or should have only one cat instead of 12.

Her advice is somebody’s-got-to-go-there-with-you practical!

“One of the biggest obstacles people have in finding love is not knowing how to behave — what to say and what not to say, how to act and how not to act — when they’re out in public with someone they’ve just met,” says Novak.

Ah, but she also says that love isn’t about having the right shoes or a flat stomach.

Of course it’s not, but there are people out there who would tell you that it is, and give you a quick fix or an easy formula.… More

Are you sparing somebody the truth?

At times It can seem like we have to draw a line between honesty and kindness. We don’t, though.

We CAN’T really separate the truth from love or kindness.

When we avoid the truth out of “kindness,” the truth isn’t the problem. The negative emotion we’ve attached to the truth is the problem. If we remove our anger and doubt (and any other negative emotion based in fear), we’ll see that the truth serves everybody. … More

What do I mean by love?

Authentic love is my concept of love. It extends far beyond romantic love or even consummate love shared with a life partner.

Love is everything good; it is the force for good. It is pure and resolute, with no self-serving agenda, with no degrees or deviation. It is passion and peace. It is responsibility and freedom, strength and tenderness, rock solid and transparent. It is defenseless and invulnerable! It is neither pride nor shame. It is fearless, unifying, compassionate, and healing.

It is mine, yours, nobody’s, and everybody’s. It can’t be seen, or touched, or quantified; but it is everywhere. It is everything. It is the only thing that matters. … More