Uncategorized – Page 814

What are you choosing?

Every interaction is a chance to connect–not just to a person, but to love. And all we have to do is be real. Our essence will always match the essence of every other human being.… More

How do destiny, choice, and grace come together?

The God of the Universe is our father. And while our father may dictate our destiny, part of our “destiny” is to choose for ourselves, and to learn from the consequences.

I love it! And I especially love that we get to choose again, and again, and again … until we get it “right.” That’s grace!… More

Partner who mimics parents is no coincidence …

“Is it true that we pick partners like our parents because of unresolved issues?” asks a reader.

It’s true that we inevitably incur emotional wounds growing up that still exist in our unconscious. And it’s true that we go about seeking — even without conscious effort — somebody to make it OK again.

What we actually find in a lover is often a band-aid that wears off at about the time the infatuation does. Thus, we move from one lover to another. Or, we stay in a relationship for “love,” while our issues continue indefinitely to clash with our partner’s. Or, we recognize what’s going on and learn how to heal the wounds.

In his bestselling book “Getting the Love You Want,” Harville Hendrix suggests, “You fell in love because your old brain [being the primitive, unconscious] had your partner confused with your parents!” He suggests that you only thought it was beauty, an impressive job, a “point value” equal to yours or a kind disposition.

His suggestion assumes that you had not yet healed the childhood wounds at the time you “fell in love.” And while that’s not an entirely safe assumption, if you’ve plumbed your unconscious, you’ve also been amazed at the persistence of the wounds!… More

Looking for a grand finale?

We all have favorite fireworks — the ones that change color or explode again and again, or cascade like they’re never going to stop. But it’s the finale that peaks our exuberance and leaves us with hushed satisfaction.

A finale by definition requires that we lead up to it…so our expectation of a grand “finale” while jumping into sex sets the stage for failure.

New books on how to have great sex keep streaming in. You want to know.

When we make our own fireworks, we can start out with a bang, but between the bang and the finale, we have to vary the intensity. We have to leave ourselves someplace to go. If we deplete our triple spins and flying missiles in the first few minutes, there may be no finale. It’s a simple lesson.

Try thinking of sex as a chance to tell your partner how much you love him. In order for your expression to be sincere and well received, you have to feel love. Get to that point before you start trying to light the fireworks.

And in the words of our dance instructor (yes, Sam and I took dance lessons), “take her with you.” Make sure you’re together — this is critical on and off the dance floor.… More

Do you find yourself “behind” and trying to skip some of the steps?

Sometimes we get it in our heads that we’re supposed to be able to do it better or faster. Maybe we try a shortcut that turns into a detour. Maybe we even manage to land ourselves smack dab in the middle of something we are ill-prepared for. Or maybe we just pretend to be somewhere we’re not, somebody we’re not.

There was never going to be a way to TRULY get there without taking the steps between here and “there.” But when we realize that the act of taking each individual step prepares us to take the next one, we are less overwhelmed by the climb. We can be present and appreciate what each baby step offers. And when we are, the steps seem to be bigger and easier to climb. … More

Are you too guarded to get the love you want?

We want to be loved to the core for who we are, not what we look like, or how much money we have, or what we can do for somebody. We want a partner to tune into who we are on the inside, as well as on the outside.

But that can’t happen as long as we guarded. We have to give up some control, we have to yield, we have to be vulnerable to get the love we want.

And it’s like magic, when we stop hiding, we’re free. We no longer feel vulnerable. We are no longer at the mercy of somebody else’s response to us.

WE see and love who we are. It no longer matters if somebody else does. But they will. … More