My husband Sam and I have this thing we do. No, it’s not graphic, or even private. Still it’s very personal. We call it “leg.”

We like to watch movies and chill together. We snack in our movie chairs; but when we’re not snacking, we move to the backless sofa, where we can lie down side by side. One of us moves first and motions for the other one. Lying down with each other, we can cross legs; and when we do, everything else disappears.

Sam is blessed with beautiful skin; and his thighs weigh about twice as much as mine do, they’re strong and muscular. But it’s not about that. Somehow when we cross legs, I take possession of his leg. It’s my leg. And my leg is his leg.

We meld. We are reinforced, refueled. We get an immediate second wind. We’re home, we’re in heaven. And all is right with the world.

Maybe your own personal rituals come to mind, rituals that are routine, but transcend the routine. They’re not sex, but they are oneness. And they deserve to be savored as sacred. They require only a desire and willingness to be present enough to merge.… More

We are judged by the house we live in, the car we drive, the title we hold — and who is on our arm. The superficial stuff can be read at a glance. And people are generally in a hurry. Besides, they tend to play it safe with what can be quantified.

You don’t have to! It’s tempting, though, because even after you learn what matters, you still have an awareness of what is perceived.

I remember moving from a “big, beautiful house” into a condo after a divorce. I had never felt so happy and free in my life. Soon after that, I started writing full time, because that’s what I really wanted to do. Still, I remember people feeling a bit sorry for me … “losing the house and all.” I think I convinced them that I was OK!

When you are truly at peace, people know it. They see what you feel.

So, don’t worry about how people view you or the person on your arm. Don’t take on their criteria for what makes somebody a good catch. Use your own, and stick with it.

When you’ve been married for a while, you may find yourself picking at your partner — not based on what’s important to you, but based on what society gives the most points for.… More

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