After we had walked the trails, Sam and I lay back on the grass next to the water. Although we were en route to the car, this was my favorite part! I had the warmth of the sun, a serene view of the water, and my sweetie. I felt alive and perfectly connected…and I wanted the feeling to last.

I suggested that we get lunch and eat by the water, explaining that I wanted to bask in the feeling, rather than rush home. Sam agreed. We headed to the concession and returned with chicken strips and French fries to share.

We lingered. It was lovely and peaceful — Sam even fell asleep — but it never felt quite the same as it had earlier.

As soon as I started planning, I got out of the moment. When I looked to the future, trying to prolong the feeling, I was no longer present with what I wanted to revel in.

It occurred to me, no surprise here, that this is the temptation with lovemaking. Ideally, we can be conscious of pleasure without getting out of the flow. I think it is easier to just close our eyes and be unconscious OR conjure up our best attempt at fireworks…because that’s what we have practiced.… More

If you rely on the past, or commitment, or even blood to hold you together, you can find yourself just going through the motions in a pseudo relationship.

We must be present to truly connect with those we “love.” … More

From a reader: “I hate to give up on our relationship, but to stay feels like giving up on my dreams.”

To walk away from what we hoped — and promised — would last forever is one of the most heart-wrenching breaks we can make. It feels as though we’re cutting off a piece of ourselves … and we struggle desperately to decide if it’s right and if it’s necessary.

How do we know?

Ask yourself: What would I do if I weren’t afraid? Will I be better off next week, next month and next year if I stay?

Don’t kid yourself. You don’t really want to feed your fear. And if staying doesn’t serve you, it doesn’t serve your partner either. It’s arrogant to think that a partner needs your pity. He needs love; he doesn’t have to get it from you.

Don’t give up on yourself and don’t give up on your partner, either. If you’re both better off without each other, then give up on the relationship and save yourselves.

Your dreams are a reflection of who you are, or at least they should be. If they’re obsolete, change them. Base them on what you want — not on what somebody else wants for you or what society expects.… More