From a reader: “I hate to give up on our relationship, but to stay feels like giving up on my dreams.”

To walk away from what we hoped — and promised — would last forever is one of the most heart-wrenching breaks we can make. It feels as though we’re cutting off a piece of ourselves … and we struggle desperately to decide if it’s right and if it’s necessary.

How do we know?

Ask yourself: What would I do if I weren’t afraid? Will I be better off next week, next month and next year if I stay?

Don’t kid yourself. You don’t really want to feed your fear. And if staying doesn’t serve you, it doesn’t serve your partner either. It’s arrogant to think that a partner needs your pity. He needs love; he doesn’t have to get it from you.

Don’t give up on yourself and don’t give up on your partner, either. If you’re both better off without each other, then give up on the relationship and save yourselves.

Your dreams are a reflection of who you are, or at least they should be. If they’re obsolete, change them. Base them on what you want — not on what somebody else wants for you or what society expects.… More

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When we’re open to resolution, to a win-win, it’s not difficult to find one.

It’s when we want to make somebody else lose that we have a fight—and blood—on our hands. It’s when we are afraid to lose (the argument or whatever it is we’re clutching) that we can’t dismiss the anger. We WANT something to be angry about, somebody to blame for something.

When we choose love, it displaces anger and fear. … More