According to a recent study, half of married/partnered women are dissatisfied with their sex life … and I’m guessing some of the other half were afraid to admit to it.

Our satisfaction — men’s and women’s — correlates with how much disparity there is between what we have and what we want. What’s not clear is what we really want versus what we’ve been programmed to want.

We can be preoccupied by what the media portrays pretty people as having, or what parents say is appropriate, or what somebody suggested was normal. And conflicting notions alone are enough to make us feel unsettled and dissatisfied.

Before marrying my first husband and having sex for the first time, I thought sex would be a spectacular, mystical experience. I imagined something, without any idea what, equivalent to fireworks, but it was years before I saw anything close. You may have thought you were alone in your disappointment, but I suspect you’re in the majority.

Our imaginations — though they lack details — are fueled by unrealistic love stories on silver screens. And it is no wonder that we choose those over the reality that we see in parents and other would-be role models.… More

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We’ve all felt the torment of, “He loves me, he loves me not.” Sometimes we get so caught up in that refrain that we fail to objectively consider our own feelings.

Your love and desire aren’t contingent on his (or hers). And it’s much easier to know what’s in your heart than it is to know what’s in somebody else’s.

Even when we’re torn from one moment to the next, the answer is there. Sometimes we’re asking the wrong person. Sometimes we just don’t want to see the answer that’s spelled out in front of us.

If you’re struggling to decide — to date or not to date, to break-up or not, to get married or not — try the following:

~ Ask yourself the question. Don’t get sidetracked trying to second guess what somebody else thinks or wants, and don’t take the easy way out by making somebody else responsible for choosing. Remember that it takes two, though.

~ Ask what you want to do — not what you should do.

~ Ask how you would counsel a friend struggling to answer the question. This allows you to stand back and be objective.

~ Imagine living with the consequences of your choices and ask how at peace you feel with each choice.… More