… More
The Reward Theory of Attraction says …
We are most attracted to those who give us maximum rewards at minimum cost to us. And four of the most compelling sources of reward are:
Proximity: Frequent contact predicts closeness.
Similarity: Shared attitudes, interests, values and experiences are rewarding.
Self-disclosure: Intimate sharing builds trust and allows us to know each other.
Physical attractiveness: We find beauty rewarding.
But the Expectancy-Value Theory says we weigh the value of the reward against our expectation of success in a relationship.
Don’t get scared and underestimate your ability to succeed in the relationship of your dreams. It’s your destiny … that’s MY theory! … More
Dear Friends …
Sometimes we’re so stuck in an unhealthy relationship or so surrounded by them that we think that’s just how it is. It’s not.
Relationships are intended to be happy! And you can learn how to do them well.
After my second divorce, I got a second wind and resolved to get it right. I started writing about relationships, and my local paper launched my weekly column. It got syndicated, allowing me to pick the brains of leading experts. I did it with zeal, for ten years.
And I’ve been writing and practicing ever since to bring the science, the art, and the spirit of love together.
Whether you’re in a relationship that falls short of your dreams, or you’re still looking for or waiting for “the one,” I can meet you where you are, and we can lay out a path to where you want to go.… More
You are somebody’s “10”
In desperate moments, we just want somebody to have dinner with…but in our heart of hearts, we want to be cherished. We want to be completely known and loved by somebody who thinks we’re perfect.
For years I’m sure there were people who thought I was way too picky or idealistic. Some of them gave words to their exasperation, “What do you think you’re going to do with Mr. Perfect when you find him? Isn’t he going to want somebody perfect?”
I wasn’t looking for anybody else’s idea of perfection, though. The 35-year-old on the cover of “Fortune” will likely go for somebody younger…OK, maybe taller and richer, too. But, hey, 35 isn’t perfect for me. And maybe it isn’t perfect for you, either.
There is somebody out there who is perfect for you, though, and you can trust that you are perfect for him (or her), as well.
When Ann Weber, professor of psychology at the University of N.C. at Chapel Hill, first told me, “A five is going to be most happy with a five,” I cringed. Assigning a number — a five (out of 10) — to humans in search of love seemed cold.
But she was right!… More
Wipe the slate clean … and go for consummate love!
For the best relationship ever, start with a clean slate. Wipe away the black marks and start fresh, aiming, once again, for consummate love. Only this time, do it with consummate love in clear view. Know what you’re going for, and you have a better shot at it.
According to Robert J. Sternberg, a psychologist and psychometrician of Cornell University, perfect love is a high level of intimacy, passion, and commitment.
• Intimacy: Psychological knowledge shared, and connection based on that knowledge
• Passion: Erotic attraction
• Commitment: The decision that a person loves another person and the commitment to maintain that love
It’s difficult to experience a high level of any one of the three if you focus on how you’ve been wronged or short-changed; and each one works to strengthen or weaken the others (see diagram below). Wiping the slate clean, on the other hand, allows you to immediately enjoy what you have and develop more of it.
I realize that a clean slate isn’t exactly something you can order online or have somebody else deliver; but relationships are about giving what you have. So give YOURSELF a clean slate. When you wipe yours clean, you wipe his clean, too!… More
Only one job …
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Jan's program for the quest of a lifetime.
Are you ready to live your destiny?