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Before you get carried away, all anybody really wants for Christmas is …

Remember when you thought everything in your entire universe would be ideal if he just pledged undying love on bended knee? Okay, maybe you never really thought that; but it is a wonderfully romantic sentiment.

And he just wants to be loved for who HE is, apart from what he can do or buy.

With that caveat, what gift would you most like to exchange with him this Christmas?

You both want the same thing! While men and women may have different short-term priorities, ultimately they both want an intimate partner to accept them unconditionally, while knowing all there is to know about them.

You want him to know you and love you down to the core — every little wrinkle and idiosyncrasy — just the way you are. Then, he’s yours for keeps! You don’t have to worry about what he might think or do if he learns that haunting secret. He doesn’t love you in spite of your past; he loves the person you are as a result of it. He’s not about to walk out on you because you gain ten pounds or lose your job.

You’re not just looking for faithful, though. You want him to WANT you.… More

You first …

Dear Friends,

I took the luxury of a long walk by myself last Sunday and made what feels like a fresh realization. I sometimes try to reach a resolution with my husband Sam before I have reached one with myself. And that can’t really happen.

Sometimes I want closure so much that I speak or act prematurely. Maybe I’m even conciliatory. That old Junior High School thing of being mad at somebody never made sense to me. Either I want you in my life or I don’t. Either way is okay, but I’m not “mad” at you.

The problem with my approach is that I may “patch” things up, without actually resolving them.

And it’s not just a matter of my reaching resolution. It’s a matter of giving a partner (or anybody) the space to process their own issues before pushing for closure. “Pushing” for anything can be the long road to getting it.

And we don’t serve ourself or anybody else by merely “patching” things up. Let’s devote the time and attention necessary to process critical issues of the heart. Let’s trust love through uncertainty and expand our comfort zone. And let’s not deceive ourselves into thinking that we can’t do better!… More

Real is as ready as you get …

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When is it real enough to act on?

Sometimes we glimpse the kind of love that doesn’t need all the answers. And in that moment, we know we could act on it, without regret. We know it wouldn’t matter what all the answers turned out to be.

It’s not infatuation, but it feels just as captivating. And it has a foundation. We can’t see it; but on a primal level, we know there’s a connection.

Don’t let fear keep you from getting your arms around it. … More