Love has no agenda …

The challenge is not to know the truth, but to face the truth. The truth is like love. It’s always there! But FACING it often means facing what we’ve worked hard to mask. You know that almost-apology you sometimes offer–or get–“I’m sorry IF I was wrong”? It’s a perfect example of bypassing the truth, while easing the conscience just enough to stay comfortable. If you have an image of yourself as kind, you may not want to admit to a sweetheart (or anybody else) that you were, in fact, unkind. Ugh, then you’d have to look at the anger and resentment that triggered your unkind behavior. You’d have to admit that you ARE angry and resentful. And delving into “why” feels like way too much work and way too much confession! It’s the REASON for your anger and resentment that you’ve worked so hard to cover up.

You’re angry because … You resent your partner, your job, your weight, or whatever because … For now an almost-apology tempered by some blame or an excuse keeps you in your comfort zone and maintains your self-image. Ah, but it also keeps you trapped in your own little prison.

You want to be free.… More

TIP FIVE: Cut the size of your bites in half; and you can eat twice as many!

PRACTICE: You might take bite-size for granted; but think about it and take advantage of your next chance to watch people eat. Some people fit three of your bites into one. Others may divide one of your bites into three! Just start by consciously putting half as much food on your fork. And continue to savor each bite and swallow it before you go for another bite (Tip One). Form a habit. THEN, if you want to vary the size of your bites, go ahead. But do it consciously.

You CAN do this! You can LOVE yourself to a healthy weight!… More

LOVE YOURSELF TO A HEALTHY WEIGHT

Is weight standing between you and the relationship of your dreams? Reaching a healthy weight is part of loving yourself well.

TIP FOUR: If you want to eat more calories, without “working out” more, burn more calories in the course of your daily activities.

PRACTICE: Park farther away from the entrance to work, the store, the salon every day. Browse a museum while you listen to the news. Take the stairs. Play tag with the kids/grandkids. Don’t be a spectator when you can be a participant! Massage your hands and feet while you’re waiting on the phone. Plan your date around a walk, instead of a movie. Window shop after dinner, instead of lingering over a drink. Enjoy sex longer! You CAN do this! You can LOVE yourself to a healthy weight!… More

Sometimes we really believe that we’re striving for a loving relationship, when actually, we’re trying to get somebody else to conform to OUR IDEA of a loving relationship! We can’t do their striving, or their growing. We can’t decide what they’re ready for. We can’t even decide what a loving relationship looks like for them!

It’s wonderful to persevere in aligning with love and creating a relationship that reflects YOU. Live your dream! But don’t do the dreaming for somebody else … and then try to get them to work at living it. Let go of your notion of what’s right for somebody else.

And continue to revisit what’s right for you. If you have to push too hard or cling too tightly, maybe it’s not for you. Love is work! It’s responsible and persistent work; but it feels like being true to yourself, not trying to squeeze into a pair of jeans, a party, or a relationship that doesn’t fit.

Not sure if you’re truly loving your partner or pushing YOUR idea of a loving relationship? You can’t be responsible for how your partner feels, but how he feels can be telling. Does she feel respected OR disrespected by you?… More

Smitten by Somebody Who Gets Us!
Working around brick walls is hard work, though. We are smitten by somebody who lets us in and “gets” us, somebody who is tuned in to us. The biological need we have to be loved is really a need to be seen and understood, to be valued, to be responded to. To be in synch! We don’t want to ask a sweetheart to respond to an obvious need; we want him to see it and respond because he can, because he cares, because he can’t help himself. And while this seems almost lost to our consciousness, it helps to explain why sex is the favorite substitute for love. Even if it’s short-lived, we have somebody’s full attention.

a paragraph from my upcoming book “Sex … why we can’t get enough, until we come home to love”… More

As long as you camouflage something–your body, your achievements, your past–no matter how many people try to love you, you won’t feel loved. It is only when you drop the pretense that you learn to love yourself and allow another’s love to reach beyond it. … More