Love has no agenda …

Let’s trust the magic …

Your relationships are not excluded from the magic. They are the very foundation of the magic! … More

Don’t Declare Anything in Anger

From a reader:

I am really wondering if I made a mistake in marrying Donald. I thought we were in the working it out stage, but now I am not so sure. Now, there are moments when I hate him, and when that feeling comes over me, I can hardly believe it.

It just seems like the barrage of things gone wrong, things of annoyance and frustration, is unending. I don’t laugh. I don’t cry. I don’t smile. I’m so angry that all I can do is put on a mask and try not to explode.

I knew what I was getting into when I married him, but I still want to make it all his fault. Intellectually, I know it’s not.

If you are married, you have almost certainly been there, wondering if you made a “mistake.” And marrying the wrong person is a mistake of consequences that can seem devastating.

Of course the thing to do is communicate your misgivings, and that doesn’t look like an explosion or a mask. Don’t declare war — or anything else — that’s fueled by anger and blame. Give yourself a timeout — put yourself in a quiet corner or go for a walk.… More

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Don’t shrink back because of preferences …

Often what hurts in relationships is rejection. And that pain can keep us from trying. But we need not personalize somebody else’s preferences. I’m never going to be a 5′ 10″ blonde! But, hey, a 5′ 10″ blonde is never going to be a 5′ 4″ brunette.

There was a time in our biological history when rejection meant death; because we couldn’t survive without the tribe. So, don’t be surprised if you overreact to rejection. But update your programming!

And, BTW, Sam is 6′ 3″ and he says I’m every bit of 5′ 10″. Let somebody love all of you! And see how big you can get! But please don’t take that as an implication that taller is better! … More