Love has no agenda …

Trust yourself! You don’t have to know what the next step is to take this one. Trust the truth you do know. Act on it; and let it lead you to the next step and more truth.

It’s the only place to start, the only foundation to build on.… More

Divorce is gut-wrenching. It amputates a part of us, with sometimes-vague warning signs and no anesthesia.

But we are resilient! We lean on friends and family. We find new companionship and financial support, and we learn from what didn’t work. We heal. We move on stronger than we were.

The path, however, can be long and excruciating. We decide when to face the truth, or how long we want to drag out the lessons.

Often what is most difficult to work through is failure or rejection. One coaching client told me, “I can’t believe she doesn’t want me.” When somebody makes an effort to hold on to us, we feel valued. When somebody misses our presence, we feel affirmed.

From a reader:

“Even though I have been divorced three years, it is still very, very hard for me emotionally. I thought that getting the abuse out of the house would be blissful … instead, raising children alone and dealing with all the financial issues is very stressful.

I have friends and family who help. And I have a good job … but still feel alone, sad and worried a lot. I read positive books and try to be around positive events and people.… More

He (or she) is snuggling up to you as though nothing’s wrong, but you don’t even want to be there. How did you end up married to this guy anyway? Right now it seems like any one of three suitors would have been a better option … and you’re still counting.

The grass on the other side of the fence beckons. You could use a little wooing and tenderness, from somebody who’s not taking you for granted even after blatantly insulting you.
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Commitment Model, developed by Caryl Rusbult, Ph.D.

Satisfaction: How effectively your needs for security, companionship, intimacy, and sexuality are being satisfied.

Quality of Alternatives: How effectively those same needs would be satisfied independent of the existing relationship. Alternatives can include a specific person, the field of eligibles in general, and self, family, and friends apart from a romantic relationship.

Investment: The value of what would be lost if the relationship were to end. Investment includes the time and effort poured directly into a relationship to make it better, as well as the house, children, and friends indirectly tied to the relationship.
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Before you seriously consider jumping the fence, though, talk about it or at least let him know how you feel.… More

WHEN WE GET ENOUGH LOVE, EVERYTHING ELSE IS THERE! But we can forget the truth when money, or sex, or pretty, or approval lures us. Coming home to authentic love IS the fairytale!… More

As in the garden, we still yield to the temptation to believe that we lack something. All fear, ego, stress, violence, anger, hate, and addiction stem from believing the lie. Without the lie, we have heaven on earth; with the lie, we have the gift of choice, or the privilege to choose heaven on earth. … More

We can’t get enough sex; because there isn’t enough sex to satisfy our need for love. But we keep trying; because infatuation and orgasm do open a window into love. We involuntarily drop our boundaries and connect with somebody. Somebody gets us! And that’s the love we want … but the boundaries automatically go up again. We’re left wanting. And we Band-aid our dissonance, until it drives us to heal our wounds. Then we can share our nakedness as the best of who we are, to know authentic love–with sex as a byproduct, rather than a substitute.… More