Love has no agenda …

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About 25 years ago, I dated a psychiatrist. He commented that our issues clashed. I didn’t know, then, exactly what our issues were; and I didn’t stick it out long enough to identify them. I know now; and I think we missed an opportunity to heal the wounds behind the issues.

If you clash with somebody, seize the opportunity. Look at why. Don’t write it off as personality, or “he’s a jerk,” or “she’s needy.” See what it can teach you about you and a wound that still gets triggered.

Learn what the clashing has to teach you … and you’ll be just a little bit closer to the naked you, and the love of your life. … More

There is no shortcut from where we are to where we want to be that bypasses the growth required to get there.

But falling down is allowed! It’s part of growing, part of learning. Trying to avoid it keeps us stuck! Taking the falls gets us there.… More

Are you and your partner in sync? Do you work, eat and sleep at the same times?

You might look at celebrities and long-distance partners and wonder how they do it, but maybe you could just as viably wonder how you do it. That is, if you were objective.

If you were a therapist on the wall in your kitchen, living room and bedroom, what in the world would you be thinking?

You’ve seen the ongoing analysis of famous couples walking down the sidewalk. How he holds her hand, how she holds her purse, everything means something. And nobody’s in a better position than you are to know what your behavior means.

How often do you actually walk down the sidewalk together? How often are you in the same room together? How often do you look into each other’s eyes? Touch each other? Compliment each other? Nag each other?

If your initial observations (as an objective party on the wall) raise concern, start making changes — simple changes that seem like no-brainers from a distance.

Schedule dinner at the same time every night. It doesn’t matter how often you actually eat at 7, what matters is that you have a date — to keep or reschedule!… More

Love of your life or infatuation?

Remember the first time you fell in love? Nothing else mattered! Because for the moment, love made it all disappear.

Life would be simpler if we could lie down and wait for a magical kiss — or even one of Cupid’s arrows — and then walk off into the sunset and live happily ever after.

Along the way, I’ve had my share (OK, more than my share) of magical kisses, arrows and sunsets. There’s a lot of ground between those and happily ever after, though, and it’s under-covered in love stories.

Chances are, the first time you “fell in love” is really the first time you got infatuated. And infatuation is irrational and short-lived!

It feels bigger than life, though, like the moon and the stars, and everything you ever wished for all wrapped up in a titillating package that you can actually get your arms around! Well, temporarily.

When infatuation strikes, it’s generally unfounded; so, unless you move quickly to put a foundation under it, it fizzles. And, let’s face it, you’re way too busy making googly eyes to build a foundation. Besides, you’re not about to let the “love of your life” get away, right?… More

When we truly find a safe place within, we can be authentic with a partner. We can share who we are, without fear of rejection. And we can be loved down to the core, the way we’ve always wanted to be loved. … More