Love has no agenda …

My jogging path in our new neighborhood takes me by this tree. It’s a beautiful reminder. … More

An intimate relationship can be like PMS — without the gender discrimination. Men and women alike can look on, feeling out of sorts, as their issues surface.

Issues? Those are the things that — when triggered — make you grit your teeth or cry or run the other way or scream profanities. You could say, “Ah, I believe you just hit on a sore spot, please give me a moment,” but you probably don’t.

Our partners are the ones most apt to break through our outer skin to what’s vulnerable, with what can seem like a hot poker. When they do, we can jump to defend ourselves, without ever consciously feeling the pain. And the battle begins…or the relationship ends.

For years, my indignation masked my pain. I didn’t want to play second fiddle — to anything. If I wasn’t getting enough attention and he had time for sports, friends, charity or most anything else besides working and sleeping, it could trigger my insecurity…and another ending. Had I known how wonderful I was, I wouldn’t have been so caught up in making sure my partner did!

Yes, with a better understanding of why it’s important, I still want to be a priority.… More

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He controls everything. He insisted on this house — three doors down from his parents. I can’t even consider work in another city. And any vacation we get is used up on the annual trip to his sister’s.

Whether you struggle with a partner over where to live, what to eat or where to send the kids to school, what you struggle for is control, or power.

Only one of you can have the deciding vote, which means the other one has to relinquish power. Sometimes one partner is ready to concede on virtually every issue, but that’s likely to be the same partner who’s ready to relinquish responsibility — and blame you for what’s wrong.

The roles aren’t generally that well-defined. And even when they are, new situations present themselves, and partners change their minds, get resentful or feel unappreciated. They struggle!

Sadly, they continue to struggle even after they’ve forgotten what they thought was worth fighting for. That’s how we know the struggle — between partners, communities or countries — is mostly about power.

Case in point, do Republicans disagree with Democrats more than they disagree with other Republicans? Are they fighting for a cause or for control? And by the time they’ve done what’s required to gain power, have they relinquished their true power?… More

The growth of your relationship will keep up with your personal growth.… More