Love has no agenda …

We all have favorite fireworks — the ones that change color or explode again and again, or cascade like they’re never going to stop. But it’s the finale that peaks our exuberance and leaves us with hushed satisfaction.

A finale by definition requires that we lead up to it…so our expectation of a grand “finale” while jumping into sex sets the stage for failure.

New books on how to have great sex keep streaming in. You want to know.

When we make our own fireworks, we can start out with a bang, but between the bang and the finale, we have to vary the intensity. We have to leave ourselves someplace to go. If we deplete our triple spins and flying missiles in the first few minutes, there may be no finale. It’s a simple lesson.

Try thinking of sex as a chance to tell your partner how much you love him. In order for your expression to be sincere and well received, you have to feel love. Get to that point before you start trying to light the fireworks.

And in the words of our dance instructor (yes, Sam and I took dance lessons), “take her with you.” Make sure you’re together — this is critical on and off the dance floor.… More

Sometimes we get it in our heads that we’re supposed to be able to do it better or faster. Maybe we try a shortcut that turns into a detour. Maybe we even manage to land ourselves smack dab in the middle of something we are ill-prepared for. Or maybe we just pretend to be somewhere we’re not, somebody we’re not.

There was never going to be a way to TRULY get there without taking the steps between here and “there.” But when we realize that the act of taking each individual step prepares us to take the next one, we are less overwhelmed by the climb. We can be present and appreciate what each baby step offers. And when we are, the steps seem to be bigger and easier to climb. … More

We want to be loved to the core for who we are, not what we look like, or how much money we have, or what we can do for somebody. We want a partner to tune into who we are on the inside, as well as on the outside.

But that can’t happen as long as we guarded. We have to give up some control, we have to yield, we have to be vulnerable to get the love we want.

And it’s like magic, when we stop hiding, we’re free. We no longer feel vulnerable. We are no longer at the mercy of somebody else’s response to us.

WE see and love who we are. It no longer matters if somebody else does. But they will. … More

In some moments, we know what we’re made of. We have hope and a vision for the future. We can see and believe in our potential and the possibility of creating the life we want.

Those are the moments we want to revisit. Those are the moments we want to feed and etch in our minds and in our hearts.

Those moments connect us with the best of who we are. Those moments empower us to act and manifest our dreams. … More

Your purpose is not to find a partner. Your purpose is to find yourself, to know yourself, and to BE yourself.

Finding a partner is a sacred byproduct.… More

Started with an early morning walk. And here in Florida, it’s hot already!

As we celebrate 12 years of marriage, I want to say how much I love and appreciate Sam. What I most treasure is how well he knows me.

Sometimes he critiques my writing and tells me how deep I am. Sometimes he even refers to my brilliance. But what he’s really telling me is that I have failed to articulate what I wanted to say, that I haven’t said it in such a way that people can understand it or relate to it. I haven’t made it real or graspable.

He reminds me that he knows what I’m saying, because he knows me. He can fill in all the blanks. Even when I fall short of explaining how I feel, he knows. Sometimes he even helps me to better understand it.

That’s the love we’re looking for. That’s the love we long for. We want to be seen, known, understood. We want somebody to get us!

Thank you, Baby, for getting me. And Happy Anniversary! With all my heart, all my mind, and my very soul, I love you. … More