Love has no agenda …

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Is there somebody who always leaves you feeling better than he found you?

I used to live next door to such a person. Whenever I ran into Bob, whether it was for 20 seconds or 20 minutes, I’d later count our meeting among the high points of my day. It took me a while to figure out why.

Bob was a psychologist — still working, still playing tennis, still stimulating — in his 70s. And he had, with much practice, learned how to make everybody feel accepted: He accepted them.

It’s not as simple as it sounds, though. Bob didn’t use a blanket acceptance to cover everybody he encountered. He actually saw each individual for who they were. He saw through my clothes and flowers and the guys who picked me up on weekends to what was inside.

Isn’t that what we all want — to be known and accepted, to be loved as we are?

In fact, that’s the most valuable gift a parent can give a child. Sadly, many parents are so caught up in their own drama that they don’t really see their children for who they are.

In the academy award winning film “Ordinary People,” Mary Tyler Moore paints a poignant picture of this.… More

From a reader: “She’s a good person, which is hard to find. And she’s ready, but I’m not sure she’s the one … and I don’t feel like I can afford another divorce. Do I risk everything?”

When you commit to somebody — especially for better or worse, til death do you part — there’s an inherent risk. And it can feel as though you risk everything: Self-esteem, reputation, meaningful relationships, half of what’s left of your estate and even your last chance at happiness.

What do you really risk, though? The court doesn’t generally take what was already yours when you entered the marriage.

The real problem is that sometimes we’re looking to get from a relationship what we haven’t quite been able to get our arms around. So, it may feel as though we’re risking what we don’t truly have yet.

Marriage can offer you a partner in life, a trusted companion. If you’re looking for more than that — i.e., self-esteem, reputation, meaningful relationships, money or happiness — you’re barking up the wrong tree, but you’re not alone!

Those who enter a relationship thinking it will make them happy are disappointed, every time. But if you’re emotionally healthy going in, you’re likely to enjoy a healthy relationship … and remain healthy even if the relationship ends.… More

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Lesson from our move:
The task of organizing all of our clothes in the closet space allotted was a bit daunting–mostly because I didn’t see HOW I was going to manage it. I did manage it, though, quite nicely. Sam’s closet (below) was the easier one; because he got the bigger of the two closets. It was only fair–I wear size small, while he wears an extra large!

I think I got this lesson for keeps: Assuming that we can accomplish any given task born of love will pave the way to do it well with greater ease and efficiency. Next time! … More

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