Love has no agenda …

According to one study, half of married/partnered women are dissatisfied with their sex life … and I’m guessing some of the other half were afraid to admit to it.

Our satisfaction — men’s and women’s — correlates with how much disparity there is between what we have and what we want. What’s not clear is what we really want versus what we’ve been programmed to want.

We can be preoccupied by what the media portrays pretty people as having, or what parents say is appropriate, or what somebody suggested was normal. And conflicting notions alone are enough to make us feel unsettled and dissatisfied.

Before marrying my first husband and having sex for the first time, I thought sex would be a spectacular, mystical experience. I imagined something, without any idea what, equivalent to fireworks, but it was years before I saw anything close. You may have thought you were alone in your disappointment, but I suspect you’re in the majority.

Our imaginations — though they lack details — are fueled by unrealistic love stories on silver screens. And it is no wonder that we choose those over the reality that we see in parents and other would-be role models.

The problem with romantic stories — on or off the screen — is that they’re apt to lack practical details.… More

Although death is certain, it epitomizes the uncertainty that unnerves us. We don’t know how or when it will strike … or what will follow.

Death is oblivious to status, money, fame, age and even health. Martin Luther King Jr., Princess Diana, John McCain … and members of our own families attest to death’s apparent indiscrimination.

We don’t like to be caught off guard, but how do we prepare for death? What allows some of us to feel ready and fearless?

“How did you get so smart?” asked Larry Dargie, “It took me 82 years to get this smart.”

I had just delivered my very first talk on relationships in 2001 in Ocala, Florida, and Larry was among the first to shake my hand afterward. Between then and now he would come to hear me speak several times — in Ocala, Gainesville, Ormond by the Sea and Cedar Key. He died at 90 years old.

Not everybody who frequents my workshops is a dear friend. Larry was. I don’t think he ever showed up alone. He brought people with him — one, two, three, four, five. He shared me; he shared himself.

And he didn’t stop living because he was old.… More

When we trigger somebody’s I’m-not-good-enough wound, they may attack us. We don’t have to attack back. Love doesn’t feel threatened; and we don’t have to feel threatened, either. We can be an example of love, and coming to peace and community even in the face of the inevitable chaos created by somebody else’s fear-based defensiveness. That said, sometimes being an example of love means detaching yourself from abuse, while learning what you can from the experience.

Let’s say your partner learned to be stoic (rather than express his emotions) in order to win his father’s acceptance. It was a matter of survival! Even years later, simply asking your partner what he’s feeling may trigger his wound enough for him to attack you. If you understand that, you can respond lovingly, rather than hit back. But if your loving response meets with repeated abuse, you don’t have to hang around for it. You can trust love to teach him how to shed his security blanket and heal his wounds, when he’s ready. You can be part of that process, without sticking around for it to play out.

We’re all in Love School. And shedding the defensive armor to heal our wounds is the work of a lifetime.… More

How many frogs do you have to kiss to find your prince (or princess)? I don’t know. But please don’t be afraid to find out! … More

It doesn’t matter if we’ve “failed” one time or one thousand times, it’s never, ever, ever too late to start again! And it’s not about the result; it’s about learning that it’s not! It’s about being true to yourself, regardless of the results!

Life is “rigged” for us to “win.” And winning is simply aligning with our true self, with our essence of love, the law written on our hearts. When we do that, nothing else matters; but everything else is there!… More