Love has no agenda …

Dear Friends,

When we struggle to squeeze in what we really want to do, it’s not because we lack time. It’s because we’ve filled our time with other things. And however good they might be, they are less worthy of our time.

Instead of struggling (that’s not a lot of fun), we can simply give priority to what we want. We can allocate time for what’s important to us—before we start filling it up with what comes along.

When we accomplish what’s most critical, we’re energized … and we can keep the momentum going. When we get distracted, we’re apt to feel like we can’t quite manage it all; we’re apt to struggle—instead of staying present and in the flow.

We can find joy in doing what we want to do. Why not? It is what we want to do. When we make it feel like work instead, it’s because we get off center. We get distracted. Maybe because we feel guilty, or worry about what somebody else wants or what somebody else will think. Maybe because we’re afraid we can’t pull it off, or we’ll have to live up to it if we do. The guilt, the worry, the fear are rooted in ego—not our true self.… More

Dear Friends,

The following quote from Calvin Coolidge, the 30th president of the United States, has always been one of my favorites:

“Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan ‘Press On’ has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”

I have found comfort over the years in knowing that I didn’t have to be the most talented or the most educated person to get the job done. It is progressively clear to me, though, that persistence develops talent and spurs learning. It uncovers the genius in each of us.

Persistence is more than determination and resolve. It is work. It is the effort that must be rewarded. It is the practice that makes perfect.

Persistence is not merely hanging in there long enough. It is learning what creates the desired result — often after learning what does not. It is honing your skill and refining your love. It is believing that you can make a difference.… More

If you’re single and looking for a partner or just a date, you’ve probably felt impatient, maybe downright frustrated.

I hear from a lot of lonely people who want to know how to find somebody. And before you lump the “lonely” in the category of hard up, some of them are people with presumably attractive options, and even those you imagine to live romanticized lives.

They may not be desperately hitting the pavement, but many of them are feeling anxious. They’re looking to, and asking, friends for help. They’re fueling a perpetual stream of books and dating services. And some of them are seeking advice from people like me.

If you’ve been married for the last 20 years, you might not relate, which means that even if you consider yourself a good friend to some of these lonely singles, you may not have given any serious thought to helping them! Imagine looking for a job for weeks, or months, or even years … without finding one.

You might start to question your value in the marketplace. Eventually, you might get depressed or bitter and give up.

You don’t have to run off and find “the one” for your friends. Just listen long enough to let them catch their breath and get a second wind.… More

“I hate to give up on our relationship, but to stay feels like giving up on my dreams.”

To walk away from what we hoped — and promised — would last forever is one of the most heart-wrenching breaks we can make. It feels as though we’re cutting off a piece of ourselves … and we struggle desperately to decide if it’s right and if it’s necessary.

How do we know?

Ask yourself: What would I do if I weren’t afraid? Will I be better off next week, next month and next year if I stay?

Don’t kid yourself. You don’t really want to feed your fear. And if staying doesn’t serve you, it doesn’t serve your partner either. It’s arrogant to think that a partner needs your pity. He needs love; he doesn’t have to get it from you.

Don’t give up on yourself and don’t give up on your partner, either. If you’re both better off without each other, then give up on the relationship and save yourselves.

Your dreams are a reflection of who you are, or at least they should be. If they’re obsolete, change them. Base them on what you want — not on what somebody else wants for you or what society expects.… More