Love has no agenda …

From a reader: “I want to get close to somebody, but I can’t seem to develop the kind of meaningful relationship I want. Truth is, I’m not very good at relationships in general. And my loneliness during the holidays made that all too clear!”

Unfortunately, when we most need to connect, we’re apt to feel vulnerable and withdraw or put up a wall that goes where we go. While trying to protect our hearts from pain, we protect them — perhaps, more so — from love.

How do we open our hearts to the love we want, without taking a bullet in the process?

The best answer is to know — and love — yourself so well that you don’t personalize rejection; but that can be the work of a lifetime. For the moment, you can accept that intimacy is worth the risk and make a conscious effort to lower your defenses.

The problem is that you might have no idea what your emotional defense mechanisms look like, let alone how to drop them. You could be using a shield today that you unconsciously developed 30 years ago.

So — especially if you don’t know you’re protecting your heart — take a look at the following list of emotional defense mechanisms lovingly presented by Marilyn Kagan, LCSW, and Neil Einbund, Ph.D.,… More

“He’s just not that interested in sex anymore … and desire has always been a big turn-on for me.”

She said the words, without realizing their significance, during a weekend retreat designed to help her and her husband restore intimacy in their relationship. Women want to be sexually desired. It’s in their genes … and, for the most part, they work at it.

So, when men don’t demonstrate their longing, women can be sorely disappointed.

What many women don’t seem to understand is that men are also turned on by their partner’s yearning … and this can be particularly true in a committed relationship, in which the man is foregoing the variety he’s biologically driven to seek out.

So, what happens when both partners develop a take-it-or-leave-it attitude about sex? Right — they don’t have it very often. And their desire continues to wane.

If your partner no longer seems sexually attracted to you, your ego alone offers you reason enough to be nonchalant. Smile. And, yes, your nonchalance (like his) can be a big turn off. And the hard-to-get strategy can be downright ineffective played amidst the daily grind, breeding more resentment than desire.

If you want your partner to demonstrate heated desire, demonstrate your own.… More

When we find the love within and reconcile with it, we know oneness. We know heaven … within and without. … More

Infatuation lures us. But it’s not merely the infatuation we want. It’s the survival, the acceptance, the approval ratings, the pleasure. It’s that all-is-right-with-the-world feeling of oneness and omnipotence that comes with infatuation! We’re after all of it; but we want it now, and a relationship that starts with sizzling sex seems like the shortest path. Taking it means feeding our ego, instead of love; but it’s the ego that’s screaming for our attention!

Love is whispering, but it offers everything that infatuation does. And because it has a foundation, it lasts forever.

Shall we listen for love? … More

Everything you want is a byproduct of getting to know you.

To know you is to love you; and to love you is to be true to you. And to be true to you, is to be true to love.

And THAT is the most you can hope for! … More

We can’t make anybody else happy; but we can love them for who they are inside. And if when we do that, they look to see what we find lovable, they will find themselves.

Voila! Happiness! We can’t force it; but we can point to it. … More