Love has no agenda …

Kids can be consuming. How do you maintain a relationship and take care of a family, too?

Getting married and having a family may be the dream, but the reality can feel like an alarm clock that won’t stop. It helps to think of the alarm clock as a call to the intimacy that everyday life affords us.

We see the sleeping faces, we hear the sweet sighs and the cries for help. We see a partner at the end of the day–before and after unwinding. And we have a chance to better know and understand each other.

That’s intimacy! And it breeds acceptance … unless you allow it to breed resentment, instead.

If you and your partner work as a parenting team, you get to know each other in that context, as well. You can appreciate each others strengths and weaknesses, without resenting either one. You can recognize and appreciate what each of you contributes to the family.

You can feel completely seen and known. You can feel loved to the core. And THAT is the fairytale.

If you make it that far, you will want to make time for your relationship as a couple … and you will. … More

Valentine’s Day is for the infatuated, the brokenhearted, the deeply in love, the old and worn, the young and anxious…and, of course, the coupled and the single. It’s for you!

You don’t have to worry about how you fit in, or how it plays out for you. It’s designed for you and you’re in charge of how happy it is or isn’t. Come on, you knew I wouldn’t leave your happiness up to somebody else.

So, what do you want? Where do you want to celebrate? How do you want to celebrate?

Valentine’s Day is for lovers. And you are a lover — a beautiful, incredible lover, if I may say so. You can have whatever you want for Valentine’s Day! In fact, you will have whatever you want. You will choose consciously, or unconsciously, with your beliefs and the actions you take based on those beliefs.

Just for a minute, pretend you have the most magnificent partner, better than you ever hoped or imagined you could get. And you’re looking for a gift that will reflect your sweetheart and your love and gratitude for him (or her).

Stay with me, I realize that pretend isn’t quite the same as real, but you actually have YOU!… More

Just as Valentine’s Day points to everybody else getting roses and chocolates and diamonds, it can point to your own relationship blunders. Before you give yourself a failing grade, though, consider the bell curve. How many people in your class, or circle of friends, really have the quality of relationship you want? Next, look at what you’ve learned from what seem like failed relationships. Now, how much of what you’ve learned, are you applying? As you calculate a grade, don’t forget to factor in the inherent stumbling and practice required to learn a new skill. And if you want to earn a better grade, take heart and continue reading.

You don’t have to learn through trial and error; you can pick up a book or take a class. Still, experience is the test! Fortunately, you get to keep taking it until you’re satisfied with your score. “The fastest way to succeed is to double your failure rate,” said Thomas J. Watson, founder of IBM. Granted, there may be people who don’t appreciate this concept, but don’t be troubled by them. They don’t have what you want; and they’re likely stuck in a rut. Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is admit that what you’re doing isn’t working.… More

If infatuation is the dream, everyday life is the wake-up call.

And they both serve us! Infatuation is the passion. And everyday life forces us to develop intimacy as a foundation.

Then we can make a commitment we’ll want to keep.… More

Ever wonder how happy you’re intended to be?

“Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven,” is how Jesus taught his disciples to pray.

I have to think heaven is a happy place–even when it is on earth. … More