Love has no agenda …

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We might feel obligated to make New Year’s resolutions … but they’re often the same old promises or endeavors.

I put “write a book” on my list every year as far back as 1990; and Hampton Roads didn’t publish my first book “Naked Relationships” until 2002.

What takes us so long to get what we want — whether it’s losing 20 pounds, breaking a habit or changing careers? Fear.

Fear is the only thing that holds us back, or trips us up as we’re trying to move forward. We might “fail” because of a lack of desire, effort, follow-through, or understanding of what we truly want. But in every case, the “lack” is rooted in fear.

You might do a stand-up job of documenting your goal (year after year, like I did) to lose 20 pounds, but still lack the motivation to eat less and burn more calories. With all the hoopla on dieting, who knew it was so simple! Smile.

But what if you weren’t afraid to order a meal at your favorite restaurant and share it or take half of it home? If you knew you could have just as much fun, and look like your best self, eating half as much food, you’d do it, right?… More

The media inundates us with the branding of products, companies and celebrities. We all wield a branding iron, though, deliberately or not.

The tattoo you almost didn’t get, your signature style, your inimitable story telling and countless other things act in concert to help others form an impression of you. And just as branding can make or break a product’s success, it can make or break yours.

Think of branding as creating a reputation; it’s what people buy into before they open the box or look under the hood. And in the case of your own personal branding, it’s not just what others value; it’s what you value. It’s a picture of what wakes you up in the morning and motivates you to go for it — provided the brand fits you.

The heart of my work is being true to yourself … and that means aligning your choices with what’s inside, your essence of love, your values, sense of purpose and vision to make a difference.

We constantly choose how to direct our energy; and in the process, we create an image that talks, looks and acts in an identifiable way to brand us. Oddly enough, the brand doesn’t necessarily reflect what’s inside; we can be oblivious to what’s there or intentionally hide it.… More

Tears ran down her face as she asked me, “How do I forgive myself?”

Forgiveness is a critical step toward a healthy life, and you can only take it after you’ve had the courage to face the truth. It’s easier to move on — just not in a positive direction — while you’re still lying to yourself about what you did or who’s to blame.

If lying to yourself seems far-fetched, consider a few facts:

Many people think it’s OK to tell a white lie.

Some think it’s OK to cheat a little on their taxes.

Some think what a partner doesn’t know won’t hurt him (or her).

You probably don’t blatantly deny your behavior, but there’s a good chance you justify some of it. And justification often implies trying to make something “wrong” less wrong. But is there really such a thing as less wrong? White lies and black lies? Innocent cheating and tainted cheating?

The truth has a way of catching up with us. And when it does, we are forced to deal with it. Running from the truth is exhausting. And it’s like running from a police officer; you can’t do it (except in the movies) without digging yourself into a deeper hole.… More

If you want to order the cheapest thing on the menu or take a budget vacation, go ahead; but don’t resort to practical wishes. What do you really want for Christmas?

Now, tell him, tell everybody. Don’t depend on anybody else to deliver it, though.

I remember finally realizing that it was okay to buy myself jewelry, after falling for the fallacy that somebody else was supposed to buy it for me … because they thought I deserved it. Well, guess what? You deserve it, whether he knows it or not; and he’s unlikely to know it before you do.

We’re not talking about entitlement or arrogance. We’re talking about realizing who you are; and connecting with your wishes is a beautiful way to catch a glimpse of the real you! When you trade your dream for what somebody else thinks of you, or what somebody else can afford, or what somebody else customarily picks out for you, you get a distorted view of YOU.

Pretend you have a fairy godmother who’s ready to make an appearance, which means you’re ready for her to make an appearance! A fairy godmother is nothing more than you coming to your own rescue. Now, look through her eyes at you.… More