Love has no agenda …

This Valentine’s Day, no matter where you are — on the fence, fizzling out, stuck on the surface or alone — I have practical tips for you.

Are you trying to decide if he (or she) is not that into you? Before you break the bank or take time off from work to try harder, he’s probably not that into you if:

1. He’s not that into himself. And you can tell how into himself he is by how well he knows himself — not how arrogant he is.

2. He doesn’t know who you are — not what you do for a living or a list of facts — what’s important to you, what you stand for, what you’re passionate about.

3. He doesn’t respect you for who you are.

4. He’s more interested in what you do together than just spending time together.

5. He talks to you but doesn’t listen to you or listens to you but doesn’t talk to you.

6. He doesn’t introduce you to his family and friends or take you to his office party.

7. He spends money freely on himself but skimps on you.

8. He doesn’t respond (out of desire, rather than obligation) when you need help.… More

I don’t know how everything best comes together or how it should all play out. I only have to do MY part, though, the part I know. And when I’ve done that, I can trust whatever comes.

Dance, baby, dance.

Photo Credit: Valerie Ann Stemberger… More

Anytime we have cognitive dissonance*, we open the door for deception, anger, and bitterness. And a lack of harmony and joy in me creates a lack of harmony and joy in my relationship.

I can’t be untrue to myself and have a healthy relationship!

*Cognitive Dissonance: A disparity between my thoughts and and my actions. I’m compelled to bring my thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, ideas, and actions into alignment. Dissonance between them creates stress–in me and my relationship!… More

When we forget that marriage is more than a promise to abstain from sex with somebody else, it can seem like only one partner cheated. In truth, marriage is a promise to love and honor; and abstaining from sex with others is a byproduct of that. The first partner to cheat is not necessarily the one to have sex with somebody else.

Let’s not deceive ourselves. Let’s learn how to truly love and honor.… More

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How will I make the most of this day? The answer is always the same. Love well.

I will remind myself of what that looks like: Love is responsible and accountable as well as patient and kind. Love is fearless as well as meek. Love is content, but always believes and perseveres. Love is self-assured, but grateful; full of both wisdom and awe. Love is the force for good that can trust without pushing, know without being arrogant.

Love is everything good, with nothing to prove.… More