Love has no agenda …

Virus free … live Thursday morning. After weeks of self-quarantining and a retest, I’m clean.

No, I didn’t announce the positive test. I didn’t think anybody would be better off for my saying it out loud. And why incite fear and prayer warriors.

I had no symptoms. Sam and I only got tested as a prerequisite to visiting the Bahamas. He tested negative!

My takeaway: Let’s choose not to feel dirty or scared. Let’s recognize that we have something to learn from everything presented to us. Our concern is not so much what’s presented, but how we respond to it. That’s our part. The rest is God’s.

I have a haircut today. And Sam just informed me that since I’m no longer an infectious agent, we’re going to his grandson’s last AllStar game tonight. Yes, they practice social distancing. But in my heart, I’m hugging the whole world right now. … More

From a Reader: “I thought I was giving him everything he wanted. Apparently, I had no idea what he really wanted … maybe I never had it to give.”

Why does a partner cheat? Somebody, typically in an emotionally charged state, has been asking that question since the first betrayal.

Studies, by presumably objective scientists, show that men generally cheat because they want more sex or variety — they’re biologically programmed to sow their seed widely. Women, on the other hand, tend to cheat because they want more emotional connection or validation.

Yes, there are other reasons…but it’s safe to say that when a partner cheats, they want something that they are not getting. And when the relationship lacks what one partner wants, it almost certainly lacks what the other partner wants as well. Still, the cheated partner is often devastated.

Men and women alike beat themselves up for not seeing it coming or not doing something to prevent it. Though, some of them, as you know, are more inclined (at least when talking out loud) to beat their partners up for lacking control, or emotional stability or decency.

Truth is, we’re all doing the best we can and learning — even if at a painfully slow rate — to do better.… More

… More

… More

When I have learned to love myself, I can truly love another, without using him to meet my own needs.

When I have faced my own open wounds and my own scars, and known both “weakness” and strength side-by-side in me, I can know them in another, without judging him.

I can see what transcends the physical. I can love him unconditionally, for who he is and not what he has to give me.

And I can let him love all of me.… More

I sometimes find myself tiptoeing around the options, examining them carefully, as though to touch them or try them is against the rules. Maybe you’ve been there — trying to make a decision without the advantage (and it’s a big one) of trying the options.

I have learned that it’s faster to rearrange the furniture and see how I like it than it is to stand there wondering. I will try it before making a final decision. So, why spend too much time and energy belaboring it?

We’re continually faced with choices — little ones (some of which have a big impact) and life-changing ones. And sometimes we have to DO something to decide on a direction, and then the next step. We are intended to live life, not just contemplate it.

We discover what is sacred in the silence of simply being. But we learn to walk by falling on our butt.

Don’t be afraid to try a new approach, to visit a foreign place, whether it’s across the street or the planet. Don’t be afraid to experience a new person. Sometimes experience is a more effective and efficient teacher than contemplation. It’s okay to experience something, to enjoy somebody before committing.… More