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It’s a beautiful day to be you!
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Do you believe?
It’s easy to say that we believe in the impossible. But when we truly believe, we change our behavior. We recognize that we have been blessed with the privilege of choosing the “impossible.” … More
Let the symptoms lead you to the real issue …
Q: I am in desperate need of some advice. I feel that my marriage is going downhill fast and I want to save it. Let me tell you the story.
A couple of years ago, I accidentally found e-mails that my husband was sending to an old girlfriend he wanted to meet up with. He told her a ton of lies about our relationship. I confronted him, and everything has been going OK.
But now he is meeting women online and talking “personal” talk to them. He sits in the living room with me and talks to them. When I ask who he is talking to, he lies. I know, because I have the passwords for his accounts and can see what is being said.
I don’t know what to do. We have been married 12 1/2 years. I still love him and I forgave him; however, I don’t trust him anymore and I am scared that he is going to find someone else and leave.
Can you please give me some advice as to what I can do to help us reconnect and save our marriage?
A: The first step is to talk with your husband in a totally open way, the way you might talk to me or to a best friend.… More
Want to wipe the slate clean for Christmas?
Trying to decide between a beach getaway and a stocking full of coal for your sweetheart? Why not give him a clean slate, instead? Wipe away the black marks and start fresh, aiming — once again — for perfect love. Only this time, do it with perfect love in clear view. Know what you’re going for, and you have a better shot at it.
According to Robert J. Sternberg, a psychologist and psychometrician, perfect love is a high level of intimacy, passion, and commitment.
Intimacy: Psychological knowledge shared, and connection based on that knowledge
Passion: Erotic attraction
Commitment: The decision that a person loves another person and the commitment to maintain that love
It’s difficult to have a high level of even one of the three if focusing on how you’ve been wronged or shortchanged; and each one works to strengthen or weaken the other two. Wiping the slate clean, on the other hand, allows you to immediately enjoy what ever level you already have and develop more of it.
I realize that a clean slate isn’t exactly something you can order online, but Christmas isn’t really about what you can have somebody else deliver. Christmas is about giving of what you have, so give yourself a clean slate.… More
The sanctity of being known …
Dear Friends,
You may know how much I revel in massage. I look for value when I spend my time and money. And for me, it’s part of a healthy life. But never have I ever had a massage like the one I had last week.
As Ashley finished my neck, I heard myself say in an Oh-My-God voice, “I feel like you just gave me six grand finales on my neck.” Then, she asked if she could do the “meridian alignment” that she’d done once before. Again, I heard myself respond, “I’ll probably remember what it is, when you do it.”
As she was moving through that process, already crying, I said, “I’m gonna cry.”
I knew this was a sacred gift. I sat with it. I wondered … you know I did. I wanted to understand exactly why I cried, a first in response to a massage. And what I realized is that I felt known and cared for. I felt valued.
Somebody had taken the time, thought it was worth her time, to tune in to me. Yes, she was being paid for it. But as it turns out, no matter how much we’d like to, we can’t pay somebody to value us.… More
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Jan's program for the quest of a lifetime.
Are you ready to live your destiny?