Love has no agenda …

… More

… More

… More

When we ask for what we want, we make ourselves vulnerable. Why? Because our partner — the one we’ve likely chosen to spend the rest of our life with — might not give it to us.

And that could hurt! If our partner doesn’t think we’re worth the trouble, or deserving of what we ask for, that could reinforce our worst fear — the fear that there is something innately lacking in us.

Often in a relationship, one partner feels inferior to the other, or one partner is more willing to work at the relationship than the other one is. If you’re the one who seems to care more or try harder, the way to feel better about yourself is to take the time — quality time in solitude — to know yourself and realize how worthwhile you are.

Then, you’re less apt to fall into the trap of thinking your partner , or anybody else, gets to decide how worthy you are. You are magnificent — whether you have come to know it or not!

When you don’t know it, you might catch yourself waiting for a partner, or a prospective partner, to decide what you deserve…as if they are in charge of your fate.… More

It’s interesting to sit in the middle and get mail from both sides of the proverbial aisle about immediate versus delayed gratification.

“He has a drink and he can’t contain himself. …All of a sudden, having sex is no more than eating another potato chip,” writes one reader.

“She has no idea how to just relax and enjoy the moment. …I don’t know what she’s saving herself for,” writes another reader.

When is it in your best interest to let go and trust the moment? And when are you better served by “good things are worth waiting for”?

According to Daniel Goleman, author of “Emotional Intelligence,” those with high emotional intelligence have the ability to understand and control emotional responses. They can manage their feelings and curtail inappropriate expression of their impulses.

Now, all you have to do is figure out what’s inappropriate — like the 4-year-olds in Goleman’s “marshmallow test,” which he says demonstrates the power of emotional intelligence. Each of the preschoolers was left in a room with a marshmallow — they could eat it immediately, or wait for somebody to return from an errand and then be treated to two marshmallows.

As a 4-year-old, how long would you have waited to upgrade your treat from one marshmallow to two?… More