Love has no agenda …

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In desperate moments, we just want somebody to have dinner with…but in our heart of hearts, we want to be cherished. We want to be completely known and loved by somebody who thinks we’re perfect.

For years I’m sure there were people who thought I was way too picky or idealistic. Some of them gave words to their exasperation, “What do you think you’re going to do with Mr. Perfect when you find him? Isn’t he going to want somebody perfect?”

I wasn’t looking for anybody else’s idea of perfection, though. The 35-year-old on the cover of “Fortune” will likely go for somebody younger…OK, maybe taller and richer, too. But, hey, 35 isn’t perfect for me. And maybe it isn’t perfect for you, either.

There is somebody out there who is perfect for you, though, and you can trust that you are perfect for him (or her), as well.

When Ann Weber, professor of psychology at the University of N.C. at Chapel Hill, first told me, “A five is going to be most happy with a five,” I cringed. Assigning a number — a five (out of 10) — to humans in search of love seemed cold.

But she was right!… More

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We will rise with the same amount of grace we learn to fall with.… More

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When I have learned to love myself, I can truly love another, without using him to meet my own needs.

When I have faced my own open wounds and my own scars, and known both “weakness” and strength side-by-side in me, I can know them in another, without judging him. I can see what transcends the physical. I can love him unconditionally, for who he is and not what he has to give me.

And I can let him love all of me. … More