Jan Denise – Page 924

“Real Age” Is More Than a Number

She’d kill me if she knew I felt this way — I love her and would marry her, BUT she’s 10 years older than I am. I’m 36 and she’s 46. What happens when I’m 56 and she’s 66?

Age is a number. Theoretically, it’s indicative of how mature we are. But we find exceptions to that faster than we can get to the end of the sentence. But beauty fades, right? Nah — we all know people who get better looking. Skin loses its resilience? True enough, but not at the same rate.

And in much the same way, some people seem to put on the brakes and stop learning and growing at 40, while others seem to stay interested and interesting as long as they live. Some people stay physically vibrant and active into their 90s and counting; some start to “die” in their 40s.

“I don’t believe one grows older. I think that what happens early on in life is that at a certain age one stands still and stagnates,” said T. S. Eliot.

We’re learning, though. We look younger and die older. What used to be old is still young … and the older we get, the younger it is.… More

Eight Types of Love: One is Perfect

“How could he … he said he loved me,” she eked out between sobs.

Do you feel more empathy for the guy who changed his mind, or the girl left trying to reconcile the guy’s words with his actions?

Male or female, you’ve probably been smitten and thought you were in love, only to decide it could never work. Our emotions — which we expect to waver — prioritize different thoughts at different times, sometimes dragging our intellects on an emotional roller coaster.

There’s more to it than that, though. There’s what you mean by “I love you,” and what somebody else thinks you mean.

There are eight types of love, according to Robert J. Sternberg, noted psychologist and Professor of Human Development at Cornell University. Only one of them is perfect, but they’re all formed by the following three dimensions of love:

Intimacy: Psychological knowledge of each other and connection based on that knowledge
Passion: Erotic attraction
Commitment: The decision that a person loves another person and the commitment to maintain that love

The classic misunderstanding immediately jumps out at us: He gets caught up in erotic attraction and says, “I love you”; she thinks somebody finally understands her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her.… More

Are you betraying yourself?

We don’t love because somebody needs it, desires it, or deserves it. We love because it is what we must do to be true to our very nature.

When we fail to love because of our judgment of somebody else, we don’t betray that somebody. We betray ourselves; and that betrayal grows within us like a cancer. But there is a cure.

Unconditional love … anything less isn’t really love.… More

Being the One to Meet the One …

If we want to know what kind of partner we’re ready to meet, we can simply look around at the ones we’re meeting. But we need not be too concerned if we don’t see the one.

What we do see, will help to teach us what we need to know to be the one, so that we can meet the one. … More

The paradise is within …

Dear Friends,

I hope you have found paradise this summer. I hope you have found the place where everything is okay and nothing can shake your peace.

It is within you.

And when you find it, your external world reflects its peace and beauty. It is perfect — not because it is ideal by anybody else’s standards, but because it is ideal by yours. It is ideal by yours because you see it through knowing eyes, and because you trust that you are getting exactly what you need. And, because you are open to getting what you need from what’s there, you do.

It is like being on a vacation perfectly planned by your psychotherapist, your mentor, and your personal trainer. You trust them to serve your highest good. You are able to feel the sweetness in tears; you sit with your feelings beside the water. You are able to see the growth in sore muscles; you relax into a full-body massage in the garden. You are refreshed.

Your spirit sings. Your lips invite kisses. Your heart and your mind are open. You are present to delight in what is, without worrying about what is not.

If you haven’t found your paradise this summer, you can.… More