Jan Denise – Page 924

Habits dictate health of relationships

We continually choose what “makes” us happy or unhappy. But if we do it out of habit — or by default — we may scarcely realize that we can and do choose.

Each of our choices yields a consequence. And we learn from consequences. Unfortunately, part of what we learn perpetuates the negative — and keeps us from doing something about it.

If, for example, somebody breaks off a relationship with you, you might attribute it to your inadequacy and reinforce your habitual thinking that you’re not good enough. Discouraged, you fumble the proverbial ball, which perpetuates your negative opinion of yourself.

Your thoughts trigger feelings; your feelings inspire actions; and your actions get results that “make” you squeal with delight or scream or simply plod on. This cycle repeats itself — over and over again. And you just might find yourself in a rut or living a life based on bad habits.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit,” said Aristotle.

You can develop new habits — or excellence. Begin by thinking new thoughts. That’s painless. In fact, it just might come as a relief, if you let it. Don’t take on any pressure to make changes or act on the thoughts.… More

Get your deal breakers out in the open …

We all have “deal breakers,” but we don’t all talk about them — or even think about them!

Hey, if we acknowledge them, especially out loud, then we look foolish ignoring them. And sometimes that’s exactly what we prefer to do. It’s tough enough to strike a deal with somebody, right? You might not give much thought to what makes it, let alone what could break it.

But what if denying key elements of what we want is largely responsible for our trying to make something else work and missing out on our bliss?

When you disregard your deal breakers, you disrespect yourself (and somebody else). It feels better than sitting on the sidelines … but only until your relationship tumbles down, yanking all your hopes of happily-ever-after.

“It hurts, but I knew from the beginning there was something missing — I couldn’t see any passion in his eyes … I just had to gather the courage to accept that it couldn’t really work, I NEED passion,” says one client.

Whenever you find the courage to face the truth, be thankful. And communicate it.

“Everyone has ‘deal breakers,’ says Dr. Ava Cadell, founder of the Loveology University and creator of the Mutual Love Agreement, or MLA, “and the only problem with those deal breakers is when both people in a relationship are not aware of them.”… More