Once we realize that we’re clinging to a security blanket, we may want to loosen our grip and make room for something that can do more than pacify us. Because the security blanket is a substitute for the attunement we lost when we realized our separateness from “Mother.” It’s what we could latch on to as we faced fear and the pain of rejection.

What we really want is for somebody to tune into us–every sigh, and giggle, and cry. We want somebody to see us, and know us, and love us for who we are. We can’t go back and get that from “Mother” again, but we can give it to ourselves. And we can give ourselves permission to be ALL of who we are!

OR we can hold on to the blanket–compliant, smart, pretty, nurturing, stoic, or escape (food, drugs, busyness, adventure, even pain)! I’m loosening my grip on order. That was my blanket; and I stretched it into a suit of armor, reinforcing it for decades. I’m making room for the rest of me. Maybe I’ll have the chaos of success, more spontaneity, and some free falls.… More

For many, a vow of celibacy—a promise not to enter into marriage or engage in sexual intercourse—is unfathomable.

During the Protestant Reformation led by Martin Luther in 1517, reformers argued that requiring a vow of celibacy from a priest was contrary to biblical teaching, a degradation of marriage and a reason for the widespread sexual misconduct within the clergy at the time.

Yet some would stand back today and suggest that all single people should vow chastity! Granted, that goes down easier if you hope to get married (despite the odds). But how realistic is it?

A public health report concludes (after a long list of statistics), “Almost all Americans have sex before marrying.” And lest you be intimidated by those with a holier than thou attitude, they were included in the study.

I am married now, but it would be dishonest and unkind to dismiss from my mind what it was like to be single. A whopping 40 percent of our adult population is single. On average, we now spend half of our adult lives outside of marriage. And some of us die single.

I am not suggesting that we promote casual sex or “friends with benefits.” Let’s not draw a line between single and married people, though.… More

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