Jan Denise – Page 865

And what of fantasies?

Sexual fantasies are like dreams. They don’t adhere to our self-imposed or societal guidelines for what’s acceptable.

Consequently, we might feel uncomfortable — or even guilty — about what arouses us. Do you listen to those who admonish you to keep to the straight and narrow? Or do you follow the school of thought that says fantasies make for healthier and more exciting relationships?

In any case, you can’t really control what arouses you; you can only avoid or deny it.

In a recent study, women reportedly fudged about what pictures most aroused them. The thing is, they were “wired” (like taking a polygraph test); and their physical symptoms revealed the truth that they apparently found embarrassing.

Assuming women shouldn’t have to feel guilty about what photos aroused them — they didn’t even conjure up the images, they simply looked at what a facilitator flashed in front of them — why should you have to feel guilty about what your body responds to?

More awareness of what is, however primal, can help us to make better informed choices. We don’t have to limit our consciousness to what slaps us in the face or that part of the dream we were dreaming when we awoke in a sweat.… More

You are not one piece, but the whole, of your life …

Often we’re so engrossed in snippets of our lives that we fail to see the big picture; but life, directed by the mother of all directors, has a way of bringing the pieces together.

Think of your favorite movie. It’s tough to find a single segment that conveys the message of the whole; individual pieces range from blissful to horrifying. And it takes all of the pieces to create a great movie–or a great life.

I recently watched “Scent of a Woman” for the third time. Lt. Col. Frank Slade played by Al Pacino ruthlessly dismissed others, made a pathetic scene at his brother’s on Thanksgiving Day, risked his guardian’s life and tried to take his own. He also sensed a stranger’s pain, helped a number of women connect with what made them beautiful and delivered an oration to save his guardian that would have made Lincoln proud.

So, who was he?

Like you, like me, he was a human being riddled with contradiction and paradox. He was not one piece of his life. He was all the pieces coming together to make a whole. He was his past, present and future shaping him into the best lover and friend he could be.… More

Like somebody first …

If you want somebody to like you, show up. Really be where you are. Look them in the eye. Like them first. All they need is permission; and you give that to them by liking them first.

They may not be romantically interested, but liking is a step in the right direction. Friendship is a foundation for romance, and it’s also a means of meeting more people.

Show up!… More

Turns out, you’re quite likable …

I got fast food yesterday at a drive-through. The woman at the first window took my payment, but didn’t really look at me. She said thank you, but didn’t really say it to ME. The woman at the second window gave me my food and went so far as to tell me how pretty my purse was! I got to respond. I got to like her; she made it easy. Let people like you by simply showing up! Really be where you are.