Keep the physical passion alive in your relationship, without reducing lovemaking to a physical urge. … More

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You’re gritting your teeth and talking under your breath again, wondering if he deliberately provokes you … and if he waits until people are watching to do it.

It’s no coincidence that he’s more irritating when you’re the center of attention. That is, after all, when you’re more consumed with presentation — and what everybody else is thinking! Therein lies the problem.

When it seems as though he’s annoying you, he’s actually just triggering your feelings of insecurity. Without those, there would be no reason to grit your teeth. The mother of all your negative, self-defeating emotion is the belief that you’re not good enough. If you knew beyond all doubt that there was nothing wrong with you, you could drop the pretense and share the real you, without any anxiousness, defensiveness, blame, or qualifiers! And he, too, could be himself, without your making excuses for his behavior, or wondering who noticed!

If that sounds implausible, it’s because you’re playing prisoner to perception.

But what’s real is more sacred and more beautiful than what you’ve conjured up to fit in or win approval. If you don’t believe me, imagine the sleeping face of your first child, or your sweetheart, or the beloved friend who died last year.… More