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“How come the nice guy couldn’t also make my toes curl?” asks a reader.

It’s a little like asking why the muscular one couldn’t also be rich, or why she couldn’t be smart, too.

That said, sometimes somebody makes our toes curl by eluding our grasp, or being a “bad boy.” We — men and women — want the best partner we can find. When we can’t quite snag somebody, we may assume we are approaching the best we can get, as the chemical rush kicks in!

Irrational, I know, but up close and emotionally involved, we can lose both our objectivity and our rationale.

I bet you can think of a whole string of men who are challenged by monogamy. They are biologically programmed to want variety. That does not make them a great catch or even a keeper!

Women, on the other hand, are programmed to compare their partner and relationship with the options. And some, continually wondering whether they can do better, are reluctant to settle on one. Again, that doesn’t make them a great catch.

So where does that leave the nice men — or women — who are emotionally available to us?

Often, the nice ones can be found sticking by us as friends, even as we chase carrots we THINK we want.… More