Jan Denise – Page 838

What do you really feel guilty about?

I finally realize that the reason I keep moving from one woman to the next is that I’m afraid I’ll cheat again. It’s been six years since my divorce, but I am still pained by my behavior. And I don’t want to hurt anybody else.

We might assume that people don’t commit because they want newness or variety, but sometimes they’re just afraid … not only of hurting somebody else but of feeling the pain of guilt when they do.

So, how do we forgive ourselves and experience peace?

Chances are you’ve betrayed somebody or been betrayed — maybe both — and if you’ve been honest with yourself, you know there were two players. In a partnership, it’s not quite as simple as one thoroughly innocent party and one thoroughly guilty party.

While you can’t blame anybody else for your own behavior, neither can anybody else blame you for theirs. We’re all learning — mostly through hard knocks.

No, I’m not attempting to justify or trivialize betrayal. I can’t justify other forms of deception either, though. And when one partner cheats, often both partners were just going through the motions of a relationship, pretending not to notice that something, or just about everything, was wrong.… More

Can Fantasies Help to Make Your Relationship More Real?

Sexual fantasies are like dreams. They don’t adhere to our self-imposed or societal guidelines for what’s acceptable.

Consequently, we might feel uncomfortable — or even guilty — about what arouses us. Do you listen to those who admonish you to keep to the straight and narrow? Or do you follow the school of thought that says fantasies make for healthier and more exciting relationships?

In any case, you can’t really control what arouses you; you can only avoid or deny it.

In one study, women reportedly fudged about what pictures most aroused them. The thing is, they were “wired” (like taking a polygraph test); and their physical symptoms revealed the truth that they apparently found embarrassing.

Assuming women shouldn’t have to feel guilty about what photos aroused them — they didn’t even conjure up the images, they simply looked at what a facilitator flashed in front of them — why should you have to feel guilty about what your body responds to?

More awareness of what is, however primal, can help us to make better informed choices. We don’t have to limit our consciousness to what slaps us in the face or that part of the dream we were dreaming when we awoke in a sweat.… More

Love is always enough, but we can displace love with fear …

Love is always enough in the present. There is no lack of time, money, or other resources unless we begin to lament the past or worry about the future. And when we get scared, we displace love with fear.

When we remain fearless, we remain loving! We make the best of what we have. And we grow more.… More

YAY!! for Sunday, Sanctuary, and Sam!

Today–my second sabbath without Sam. He returns from KY this evening after nine days!

I found my way through the woods … and jumped into the spring on my own. LOVE this sanctuary and my solitude! And I can’t wait to see my baby tonight.… More

Love and a very happy Sunday …

Going to Silver Springs this morning for a long walk followed by a jump in the springs … one of my favorite ways to remove myself from distractions.… More

Is anger a choice?

When we are provoked, our partners and most humans seem unsatisfactory.

When we’re looking for flaws or scapegoats, we’re surrounded. Anything that’s different from the ideal we’ve conjured up can be an excuse to cringe or attack.

When we’re not interested in resolving the differences, they seem insurmountable. We’d rather be right than validate somebody else’s view or reach a compromise (that’s the last thing we want).

As long as somebody else is wrong, we have grounds for dislike. We have an argument to stand on, maybe even a principle to defend, by God.

But when we open up to love, love moves the spotlight from our differences to our sameness. And our differences can seem insignificant … mostly because they are. When we’re open to resolution, to a win-win, it can be easy to find one.

So, how do we avoid getting provoked? And how do we open up to resolution once we are?

We open up to love. We choose to feel love. We choose to feed love. And that can be as simple as closing our eyes and taking a deep breath with the intention of letting love replace fear.… More