Jan Denise – Page 228

You first …

When we have faced the needs of our own grass and cared for it, we are at peace. We are less apt to judge others. And we can love them; because we have learned to love our self. … More

Free …

We can be free of worrying about what others think. We can know, and love, and approve of who we are, regardless of their lack of knowing, love, and approval. Their lack is not about us.… More

Dear Friends … the answer you already have

“By next year, I may be living on a spring, with a contract for my next book,” I said. That was about a year ago. I am living in the same house. My agent gave up on getting a publisher for the book he was so enthused about. And to honor my mom’s wishes, we moved her from a nursing home into the bedroom across from my office.

But that’s not the end of the story. I have more to write … about life, about sex, about relationships, about me. I have more to give. And I know I have so much more to live.

I intend to give, to live, and to love more than ever. And I might even take a stab at what that looks like. But this I know … for right now, the next step to the house on a spring is a weekend at a Bed and Breakfast on a spring. The next step to a book contract is opening a bigger spout to pour from. And no matter what it LOOKS like, it’s going to FEEL perfect, as long as I choose to respond in love.

Love smiles,… More

Relationship Theory Simplified …

The Reward Theory of Attraction Says:
We are most attracted to those who give us maximum rewards at minimum cost to us. And four of the most compelling sources of reward are:

Proximity: Frequent contact predicts closeness.
Similarity: Shared attitudes, interests, values and experiences are rewarding.
Self-disclosure: Intimate sharing builds trust and allows us to know each other.
Physical attractiveness: We find beauty rewarding.

But the Expectancy-Value Theory says:
We weigh the value of the reward against our expectation of success in a relationship.

Don’t get scared and underestimate your ability to succeed in the relationship of your dreams. It’s your destiny … that’s MY theory!… More

Our divine purpose is …

Fulfilling out divine purpose is as straightforward as choosing love. But it’s an ONGOING choice. May we tune in to love and continually choose to let it displace our fear.… More

Wipe the slate clean … and go for consummate love!

For the best relationship ever, start with a clean slate. Wipe away the black marks and start fresh, aiming, once again, for consummate love. Only this time, do it with consummate love in clear view. Know what you’re going for, and you have a better shot at it.

According to Robert J. Sternberg, a psychologist and psychometrician of Cornell University, perfect love is a high level of intimacy, passion, and commitment.

• Intimacy: Psychological knowledge shared, and connection based on that knowledge
• Passion: Erotic attraction
• Commitment: The decision that a person loves another person and the commitment to maintain that love

It’s difficult to experience a high level of any one of the three if you focus on how you’ve been wronged or short-changed; and each one works to strengthen or weaken the others (see diagram). Wiping the slate clean, on the other hand, allows you to immediately enjoy what you have and develop more of it.

I realize that a clean slate isn’t exactly something you can order online or have somebody else deliver; but relationships are about giving what you have. So give YOURSELF a clean slate. When you wipe yours clean, you wipe his clean, too!… More