Jan Denise – Page 21

Dear Friends: Do you trust yourself when …?

I keep thinking that I’m learning to trust myself. And I really am. It’s a process. I get the lesson on a deeper level, or in a different scenario. And the more I get it, the more I liberate myself. And more free is more real, more true … and more happy.

Sometimes I pay dearly for the lesson, but it is always worth it. The lesson is commensurate with the price. When it seems like I paid too much, it’s because I haven’t learned the lesson yet.

I commissioned an artist to make a piece of stained glass for me. I wanted to trust him. I wanted to give him artistic freedom. I wanted to give him the deposit he asked for; and I wanted to give him the balance due on completion. But, I was surprised by his starting the piece–and finishing it–without keeping me in the loop. I was taken aback by his dramatic deviation from the array of colors I asked for to tie all of my art glass together. And I was disappointed by his staunchly defending his actions, rather than wanting to work toward a satisfactory solution.

Yesterday, I shipped the piece back. But before I did, I realized that during the process, I yielded too much to accommodate somebody else.… More

Delayed Gratification: Overrated or Underrated?

It’s interesting to sit in the middle and get mail from both sides of the proverbial aisle about immediate versus delayed gratification.

“He has a drink and he can’t contain himself. All of a sudden, having sex is no more than eating another potato chip,” writes one reader.

“She has no idea how to just relax and enjoy the moment. …I don’t know what she’s saving herself for,” writes another reader.

When is it in your best interest to “let go and trust the moment”? And when are you better served by “good things are worth waiting for”?

According to Daniel Goleman, author of “Emotional Intelligence,” those with high emotional intelligence have the ability to understand and control emotional responses. They can manage their feelings and curtail inappropriate expression of their impulses.

Now, all you have to do is figure out what’s inappropriate — like the 4-year-olds in Goleman’s “marshmallow test,” which he says demonstrates the power of emotional intelligence. Each of the preschoolers was left in a room with a marshmallow — they could eat it immediately, or wait for somebody to return from an errand and then be treated to two marshmallows.

As a 4-year-old, how long would you have waited to upgrade your treat from one marshmallow to two?… More

Dear Friends: Do you trust yourself when …?

Delayed Gratification: Overrated or Underrated?

Simple truth to live …

Good enough?

To let go of what doesn’t matter is to open up to what does.

The best way to ask for more, is to use what we’ve been given.

Learning to Love Yourself

Consultation with Jan