Remember that YOU are NOT the darkness. When it feels like you are, it’s because your ego is scared. You are the light. You are the love. And love is unthreatened. … More
When is it cheating?
Question from a friend:
“When is it cheating in a marriage? If you had lunch with David and David wanted to kiss you, would that be all right? If you kissed David passionately, would you tell Sam?”
You might know me well enough to anticipate my answer. Surely my friend does, too.
Passionately kissing David—or anybody—would be cheating. And I would tell Sam. In fact, I did tell Sam when David tried to kiss me. Was it all right? Yes, in the sense that I’m only responsible for how I respond, but I don’t think it would have been okay to avoid telling Sam. Open feels much more honest and loving to me.
A strict definition of cheating: Sharing less than all of you.
A looser definition: Betraying a commitment.
That said, commitment is an ongoing decision, whether it’s made consciously or unconsciously. And being honest about what you’re feeling today is even more important to a healthy relationship than keeping a commitment you made yesterday.
When you share less than all of you, it’s because you accept less than all of you. And that’s cheating … yourself and your partner.
All of you is better, so much better, than isolated pieces of you.… More
See and celebrate the real you …
You’re gritting your teeth and talking under your breath again, wondering if he deliberately provokes you … and if he waits until people are watching to do it.
It’s no coincidence that he’s more irritating when you’re the center of attention. That is, after all, when you’re more consumed with presentation — and what everybody else is thinking! Therein lies the problem.
When it seems as though he’s annoying you, he’s actually just triggering your feelings of insecurity. Without those, there would be no reason to grit your teeth. The mother of all your negative, self-defeating emotion is the belief that you’re not good enough. If you knew beyond all doubt that there was nothing wrong with you, you could drop the pretense and share the real you, without any anxiousness, defensiveness, blame, or qualifiers! And he, too, could be himself, without your making excuses for his behavior, or wondering who noticed!
If that sounds implausible, it’s because you’re playing prisoner to perception.
But what’s real is more sacred and more beautiful than what you’ve conjured up to fit in or win approval. If you don’t believe me, imagine the sleeping face of your first child, or your sweetheart, or the beloved friend who died last year.… More
WE CAN FLY …
We WILL fall down before we soar. And when we punish ourselves for it, we make it tougher to try again! Let’s encourage ourselves, instead. Let’s squeal with delight as we learn to fly … and stop wondering if we can. … More
Knowing this affords us peace and joy on love’s path …
… More
Real is …
How do you know when you’re being real? Real is always love. And love is fearless and transparent, with no separation.… More
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Jan's program for the quest of a lifetime.
Are you ready to live your destiny?