Ultimately, we want a partner who tunes in to us, somebody who gets us, for better or worse, and inspires us to be our best self.… More

“How could he … he said he loved me,” she eked out between sobs.

Do you feel more empathy for the guy who changed his mind, or the girl left trying to reconcile the guy’s words with his actions?

Male or female, you’ve probably been smitten and thought you were in love, only to decide it could never work. Our emotions — which we expect to waver — prioritize different thoughts at different times, sometimes dragging our intellects on an emotional roller coaster.

There’s more to it than that, though. There’s what you mean by “I love you,” and what somebody else thinks you mean.

There are eight types of love, according to Robert J. Sternberg, noted psychologist and Professor of Human Development at Cornell University. Only one of them is perfect, but they’re all formed by the following three dimensions of love:

Intimacy: Psychological knowledge of each other and connection based on that knowledge


Passion: Erotic attraction


Commitment: The decision that a person loves another person and the commitment to maintain that love

The classic misunderstanding immediately jumps out at us: He gets caught up in erotic attraction and says, “I love you.” She thinks somebody finally understands her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her.… More

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