Delayed Gratification: Overrated or Underrated?

It’s interesting to sit in the middle and get mail from both sides of the proverbial aisle about immediate versus delayed gratification.

“He has a drink and he can’t contain himself. All of a sudden, having sex is no more than eating another potato chip,” writes one reader.

“She has no idea how to just relax and enjoy the moment. …I don’t know what she’s saving herself for,” writes another reader.

When is it in your best interest to “let go and trust the moment”? And when are you better served by “good things are worth waiting for”?

According to Daniel Goleman, author of “Emotional Intelligence,” those with high emotional intelligence have the ability to understand and control emotional responses. They can manage their feelings and curtail inappropriate expression of their impulses.

Now, all you have to do is figure out what’s inappropriate — like the 4-year-olds in Goleman’s “marshmallow test,” which he says demonstrates the power of emotional intelligence. Each of the preschoolers was left in a room with a marshmallow — they could eat it immediately, or wait for somebody to return from an errand and then be treated to two marshmallows.

As a 4-year-old, how long would you have waited to upgrade your treat from one marshmallow to two?… More

There was never going to be a way to TRULY get “there” without taking the steps between here and there.

But when we realize that the act of taking each individual step prepares us to take the next one, we are less overwhelmed by the climb. We can be present and appreciate what each step offers. We can GET what each step offers and take the next one. … More

When we are fearlessly authentic, we realize the depth of intimacy we want, even if it doesn’t lead to passion. But when it does lead to passion, our passion grows, rather than fading. … More