Self-Verification Attracts

“The best women will always be attracted to the men with the strongest convictions,” writes one reader.

Maybe he’s on to something, assuming that the men with the strongest convictions also live by them. We’re all looking for our way, so when somebody seems to have found theirs, that somebody (male or female) can be very attractive.

I’m not talking about arrogant or narrow-minded. Those qualities don’t attract the “best” women — or men. When somebody really knows the truth, he has a quiet self-assurance, and he’s not close-minded or threatened by a difference in philosophy.

I am talking about somebody who knows what he believes independent of society or religion or political party or club, somebody who has heard his own music and isn’t afraid to dance to it.

Imagine the earth as one giant dance floor. You can look around and see people who go through the motions as though they can’t quite feel the music. You see others trying to find some good moves to mimic. And, you see others who close their eyes and move effortlessly to the beat.

People with strong convictions hear their own music … and they’re not afraid to get out there and dance. They don’t care who’s watching or who approves. They approve.

And, yes, there’s something very attractive about that. It’s not the mere dance, though; it’s the spirit of the dance. We all long to know that we are OK, accepted, worthy, special. And the dance celebrates the dancer’s self-acceptance.

The dance is the dancer’s alignment with his music, his essence, his values. By dancing to his own music, or his convictions, the dancer knows self-verification. He feels good about himself.

Looking on, we all want what the dancer has! So, perhaps, the dancer has the privilege of choosing the “best” of the onlookers.

If we just stand back and watch, though, our chances of being selected are slim. The dancer is likely to choose a fellow dancer.

So, as the song says, “I hope you dance.”

I hope you listen to your music and trust it enough to move to it. I hope you’re the one with the strong convictions … and that you get the “best” partner you can get to dance with.

But let’s face it: Most of us have to practice to get really comfortable on the dance floor. We have to get out there and mess up! Remember that the next time you fall on your face. Don’t be so afraid of embarrassment that you never learn to hear — and dance to — your own music.

Spend time listening to what sounds from inside. And practice. Practice. Practice. Unless you’re a virtuoso, that’s what it takes.

If you think about it, there’s something very attractive about somebody who’s not afraid to go for it and learn something — whether it’s about throwing a ball or analyzing a poem. You don’t have to get proficient to be attractive. You just have to trust yourself enough to give it your best shot and enjoy (not suffer) the consequences!

You just have to have a strong conviction that you’re OK. Falling down doesn’t change that; and getting up gets you one step closer to really believing it.

When you truly believe in yourself, you embrace goodness; that is your essence. You treat others the way you want to be treated. There is no division between you and them, no difference greater than the common denominator of goodness. There is nothing you can’t do and nobody you can’t love.

You are, indeed, very attractive, and you get to choose a partner who aligns with the best of who they are.