Summer demands that we bare all those body parts we’ve conveniently layered in sweaters. And if you’re feeling squeamish about that, you’re trying to protect more than just your abs and your thighs from rejection. When you accept the rest of you, you also accept your physical body. You embrace who you are inside and out, regardless of other people’s opinions. Stay with me, though, I’m not just talking about the unconditional acceptance that gets so much hype. Let’s think in terms of loving yourself. What does that really look like? Accepting yourself unconditionally is only one segment of it. You want to know, respect, and care for all of you. You can’t, for example, merely accept your complacency or “white” lies or defensiveness and expect to also feel good about yourself. Self-esteem comes from being true to you, or aligning your behavior with your values, from doing what you know to do to the best of your ability. And when you’ve done that, you’ve spent enough time in solitude to know what you really believe and what you can do with your whole heart. You’ve come to understand the pain behind your anger, the insecurity behind your defensiveness, and the fear that keeps you from doing what you most want to do. You’ve known the bliss of connecting with your spirit. You’ve learned to love yourself! It follows that you have no qualms about simply being who you are, with and without your clothes on. How liberating is that! You can still get scared and veer off track, but you don’t beat yourself up or blame somebody else for it. You take a deep breath, learn from the experience, and begin again. Instead of working so hard to win everybody’s approval—or feed our egos, as the case may be—we can just do what we would do naturally. We can just be happy! No kidding—because there is only one prerequisite to happiness; and that’s self-esteem. Granted, getting back to what you would do naturally can be hard work. It means finding your authentic self, the beautiful, pristine, and fearless spirit that is innately yours. Way back as a young child, scared that you didn’t measure up, you started piling on more than sweaters to win love and acceptance. We each set out to meet whatever criteria was laid out for us to be good enough—looks, money, religious standing, education, accomplishment, or perfect parenting. And since we can’t really get rich or pretty enough to feel good about ourselves, we inevitably run into a dead-end. I recently saw a huge billboard in NYC: Recession 101: Self Worth Beats Net Worth. When we find our worth in the external, it’s subject to the economy, age, trends, and other people’s preferences. It’s not really our worth at all. But when we find our worth in what’s inside, it’s ours; and nobody can take it away from us. We’re home free. Now let’s apply this to Romance 101. What we really want is somebody to love us down to the core … but we’re hiding. We expect them to somehow wade through camouflage to get to our breasts, read between the lines to know what’s really hurting us, and cross uncharted terrain to get to our core. And then, we expect them to do something we have been unable to do—love us just the way we are! Now we have a picture of why it’s crucial for us to be authentic in relationships. It’s the only way to get what we want! Are you with me? Are you ready to know and love who

To protect yourself, or anybody else, from the truth is to betray love. There is no love without the truth. It doesn’t matter what the truth is. Love shines a light on it. 💞 Jan Denise Becoming Real … free, fearless, love