Couples list money as one of the top three reasons they argue … so take care not to let today’s economy dictate your peace. Whether you’ve lost your job, picked up a second one, or found an opportunity to help yourself and others, your relationship is bound to feel stressed. But stress doesn’t have to take a threatening hold. It can bring you closer together. Instead of fighting each other, you can team up to take on the challenges. Just knowing you don’t have to go it alone can help you to maintain a positive attitude, which determines, if not the outcome, how you respond to it. If you feel more responsible for finances than your partner does, this is your chance to share the load. And if you sometimes feel guilty for earning significantly less than your partner, you have a chance to take on more of the weight, if only by cutting some of the fat or offering emotional support. Try to say out loud what you would normally hold inside. Strip a layer of your protective shell and let your partner feel and know all of you. The more you know about each other, the more opportunity you have to connect and expand your intimacy … and the deeper the level on which you connect, the deeper the intimacy. Talk about what you’re afraid of, strategize together and stand together. What you don’t let tear you apart will strengthen your bond. Couples argue about money because it’s a sensitive subject, and they’re uneasy just saying what they really need to say. If you’re self-conscious about your puny savings, you might defend your ego, rather than explain that it’s wounded. And it’s easier to make yourself look good when you shoot holes in your partner, or at least it seems that way … until your partner strikes back, and the meanness makes you both look like a couple of jackasses. No need to add meanness to financial upset or any other upset. Face the challenges together. “The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance,” said Viktor Frankl. And as Frankl demonstrated so heroically, attitude is enough to get us through almost any hell — and leave us stronger than it found us. Enough people tell me that their partner is driving them crazy that you’d think at least half of us would be crazy. But nobody else can really drive us crazy. They can — and they do — trigger the madness of our egos. They also shed some light on our egos. Often we are too caught up in the rage to notice; but if we pay attention to what gets triggered, we recognize it as something we want to get rid of … and as a result of getting rid of it, we’re better. And relationships are all about making us better! When you’re tempted to tough out the financial storm — or any of life’s rain — by yourself, rise above being tough. Anytime you’re willing to be vulnerable instead, you can save yourself some disconnection. Challenges don’t drive you apart if you let them bring you together.

When you’re not sure what to do, just let love displace fear. Let truth displace lies. Let go instead of clinging. Trust instead of doubt. Forgive yourself instead of feeling guilty. Accept responsibility instead of being defensive or assigning blame to somebody else. See what you have in common rather than focusing on the differences. Stay present rather than regretting the past or fretting about the future. Choose happiness over self-pity, ego, anger, greed, or control. And play big — choose as though you cannot fail. You can’t, because love can’t. 💞 Jan Denise Becoming Real … free, fearless, love Excerpted from my book “Innately Good: Dispelling the Myth That You’re Not”