No matter how horrible your secret, keeping it is more destructive than the secret itself; and sharing it will break its hold on you. When you decide you have something to be ashamed of, you embrace shame. Even if you forget exactly what you’re ashamed of, you still feel the shame; and as long as you do, you forego self-esteem. And according to Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, until you have met your need for self-esteem, you can’t move on to meet your need for self-actualization, or your need to live a rich and meaningful life. That’s why you — and so many making headlines — can become rich and powerful, and still feel unfulfilled. So, tell me your secrets … spill your secrets, and you spill your shame, your guilt and your regret. Well-meaning people may suggest you keep a secret for fear somebody uses it against you. Better them, than you, though. When you keep a secret, you are certain to use it against yourself. In letting go of a secret, you also let go of the belief that there is something to hide. When you expose it, what used to seem dark and dirty seems human. You relieve the pressure, come out of the closet into the light, purge the pain with tears. You begin to heal. In the movie “The Prince of Tides,” when Nick Nolte’s character is faced with helping his sister to survive, he realizes that there is no value left in keeping their childhood secret. And there is no value in keeping yours either. Your life is more important than the secret that keeps you from it. While that may sound melodramatic, how much life do you really have without self-actualization: unity, balance, harmony, completion, justice, complexity, essence, aliveness, beauty, benevolence, individuality, playfulness, truth, autonomy and meaningfulness? How much strength do you really have without vulnerability? So, what reason remains for keeping your secret, any secret? Perhaps you keep it under the guise of helping somebody else. What if you knew you were actually hurting — rather than protecting — that person? Maybe you had an affair and you’re trying to spare your spouse. Maybe your friend had an affair, and you’re trying to help him protect his wife. But to shield somebody from the truth is to shield them from a meaningful life. Maybe you’re trying to keep the peace … but there is no peace as long as your secret wrestles with the truth. A secret is no more likely to help somebody else than it is to help you. Be an example. Be honest — impeccably honest — about your own stuff. A part of the truth isn’t really the truth. Live the message that the naked truth is nothing to be ashamed of; it is something to learn from. That’s where you’re apt to get hung up. When your knee-jerk reaction is to conceal the truth or spray a little pink paint on it, you’re too preoccupied to learn what you can learn from it. Our biggest “blunders” are our greatest learning opportunities. Maybe you declared bankruptcy, or lost it in a fit of rage, or carelessly took the keys when you’d had too much to drink. Or maybe you suffered the consequences of somebody else’s blunder. Thankfully, you don’t have to make the mistake to learn from it. The truth can seem embarrassing when you haven’t allowed it to serve a purpose in your life. But when you have paid dearly to get a priceless lesson, or plumbed the depths of your soul, or gained the kind of

This is one of my favorite questions. I have used it for decades to help me find my way. But we don’t have to be trying to make a decision, to benefit from the question. Whether we are deliberating or not, if we feel stuck, it’s because we are afraid. Maybe you struggle to exercise, to date, or to meditate. You might ask yourself: How, where, when would I exercise if I were free from fear? Or you may ask: Who would I date if I knew I was enough? The way forward is always there. Only fear can keep us from seeing it. And the mother of all our fears is the same. We are afraid that we lack something, the very thing that would make us good enough. And that fear gives birth to ALL of our fears. I’m frugal. There, I said it out loud. And I just asked myself the question: What would you spend money on if you weren’t afraid? When I answer that question, I learn what I need to spend money on, in order to stretch my comfort zone. I also learn what I can do with passion, besides work (only half joking). In my case, I wrestle with spending money, without something tangible to show for it. For example, I can be very indecisive in planning a vacation. And consequently, I haven’t taken many vacations. I am afraid of being irresponsible with money. Why? Because I grew up, thinking that to be “frivolous” with money, was to neglect sharing my resources with those who needed them. I grew up believing that only “bad” people did that. In other words if I were to “waste” money, that would prove my worst fear, of not being good enough. But I am good enough. You are good enough. There is nothing we can do, nothing we can endure, to change our innate goodness. Our only job is to align with that goodness. And without fear, we tune in to that goodness. We tune in to the truth written on our hearts. We tune in to our passion. We identify beliefs that we want to let go of, and find a path to alignment. I just booked a room in Crystal River. And I’m going to swim with the manatee. About 35 years ago, I opted for a Florida license plate that said “Save the Manatee.” I had to pay for it, but it was tangible. Smile. Finally, I will swim in the wild with these huge and gentle creatures. And while my memories will not be tangible, I will feel my experience. And some of the results may even be tangible. If you feel stuck in a particular area, get specific and customize the question: What would you do if you weren’t afraid? You’ll discover what you can do with passion to stretch your comfort zone, with one step, and then another. Love smiles,